Take two simple, seemingly innocuous words, run them together to make a web address and you get something a little more scary. Ah!  The nuances of language! Enjoy…

1. Who Represents - where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity.

Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange - a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at

www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

www.therapistfinder.com

5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company

www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,

www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there’s always

www.ipanywhere.com

8. The Methodist Church (in Cumming, GA) Web site is

www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web, site

www.speedofart.com - is that a bubble in your trousers or are you pleased to see me!

10. Thank you Brian, www.wankerscorner.com - only hilarious if you’re British but there we go. I love the bit which says.

“Stop by our online gift store a pick up your official WANKERWEAR today!”

I certainly will, I’ve always wanted to be a tosser!

Oh yes I am.

Two completely different quizes, one result. Oh dear, what does that say!?

Never mind, you too can take the “Which Muppet are You?” tests to find out which Muppet you are!

Just click on the pictures of Gonzo to get to the starting pages.

What Muppet are you? Test too…

You are Gonzo the Great.
You love everyone and still you get shot out of a cannon on a regular basis. Oh, and you are completely insane and have a strange fascination with chickens.
ALSO KNOWN AS:The Great Gonzo, Gonzo the Great, Just Plain Weird
SPECIES:Whatever
HOBBIES:Tapdancing blindfolded on tapioca while balancing a piano on his nose, backwards, five times fast.
FAVORITE MOVIE:”From Here to Eternity…with no brakes.”
FAVORITE TV SHOW:”Touched By An Anvil”
QUOTE:”No parachute? Wow! This is so cool!”
Do this quiz!

Here are some of Isaac Newton’s lesser known laws… Family legend has it that he is my great (to the power of however many million it is) uncle - we’re all supposed to be descended from his half sister - so presumably I should know. It makes the maths situation all the more amusing - yet another advantage to an anonymous blog then - I can tell you all without it being posy.

Actually, all his alleged great nephews and nieces are dyslexic and very few of them can add up… clearly he got the mathematical ability for the entire lineage in one hit.

The most compelling argument for there being substance to this rumour is that I read somewhere that he used to get up in the morning, have an idea and then get distracted and just sit on his bed thinking about it. He’d forget to dress, forget to eat, forget to go out and see his friends… if he thought about it for too long he might even forget to go to bed again… now THAT I can identify with, although sadly, none of the ideas I get distracted by are quite in the gravity league.

Arse.

Weird enough, then, but not bright enough to be genius… Bugger.

Without more ado then, here are Newton’s eighth, ninth, tenth and eleventh laws…

Law 8
When you are scrubbing the loo with the loo brush bog water will splash up and land on your lip or your eye.

Variant
There are few known variants to this law but if there there is bleach in it and the scrubber is clothed the splash back may land on her blue top, bleaching little pink dots into it. The probability that this spotting will occur is 100% - no matter how fast the scrubber gets to the taps to wash it off.

Law 9
Positive staining is viable. A blue bic biro can be used to colour in pink bleach spots on a dark blue top so that with careful edge smudging the bleached areas will be indistinguishable from the original.

Law 10
Washing hung out to dry in unsettled weather will precipitate rain. This is almost 100% probable if the washing in question is big towels… the rain will not usually occur until the towels are almost dry and their owner too far away to get back and take them in before they are soaked again.

Law 11
When chickpeas are boiled up in a pan they may be watched for at least 40 minutes during which time there will be no discernible drop in water levels within the pan. However, should the Guardian of the Cooking Chickpeas leave the room they will boil dry in less than 5 minutes, appending themselves to bottom of the pan with the kind of stickiness that the people who glue the wings onto 747s haven’t yet managed to emulate*.

The Guardian of the Cooking Chickpeas will then spend the next 4 hours trying to get them off. The probability of this occurring is 100%.

*Actually this is because the minute the Guardian of the Cooking Chickpeas leaves the room the Chickpea Boiling Shambles Goblins drink all the water without her noticing.

More of Uncle (allegedly) Isaac’s unknown laws later…

Today Mr BC and I decided the alphbet was boringly symmetrical and that we should introduce another letter.

After about 20 minutes saying things like “Gnarsh” or “Huueaarh” and giggling we gave up, the alphabet continues to be 26 unmolested letters. Damn.

Maybe we should try introducing a new month. Hmm… Chaos would be a good name but I’d prefer something like Clamaaaaarhd.

I went to buy some more cat food, Mr BC had too, now we have a cat food mountain. I also bought some dishwasher salt. Do you know what the main ingredient of dishwasher salt is? Well, after carrying a bag of it home I can tell you. It’s lead.

Bloody hell it was heavy. It weighed a ton!