Last night I wandered to the loo for a pee – as you do – and had an excellent idea. It was the most fantastic idea for a sci-fi novel. I wondered if I should write it down but I couldn’t be arsed, mainly because I reckoned it was so original and strange that there was no way I would forget it.

I did.

Although, you have to give me points for the fact that I did remember that I’d had a fantastic idea…

This is not a post for the “help me I’m going completely senile” section because fearful for my sanity as I am, I still have the presence of mind to realise that this kind of thing is normal amongst all of us… and quite funny, which is why it’s shared with you here today (oh yes it is). On the subject of the onset of madness… or not (erk) I have my test results on Monday… at 9 am. Hmm… I’ll be looking forward to that one (not). Still I can go cycling afterwards.

Going back to THE FANTASTIC IDEA, the one I’ve temporarily (I hope it’s temporary) forgotten, it lead on from a dream I had about going to the US to meet a cyber friend and finding, when I got to the airport, a completely different man was standing there holding the sign with his name on. Smelling a rat I decided not to meet him. I then discovered that as well as switching continents on the flight, I’d switched dimensions of space and time. Mr BC was married to someone else and my family didn’t know me because in this version of space and time, I had died young.

I had to get back to my own version because I was missing Mr BC and to do that I had to befriend my brother and try to get him to believe I was his sister… This is not the fantastic idea, of course, because this is the whole concept behind the popular TV show “Sliders”. Arse! And for a minute, there, I thought it was my own!

Another idea which hit me in the still, small watches of the night was that maybe it would be a good idea to write one of the Novels up as a play for Radio 4. It’s quirky, it makes me laugh (no guarantee it’ll do that for anyone else, of course but it’s a start) I like the characters and I suspect it would be fun to do.

Jumping back to my knackeredness and general lack of memory. On Joe Drinker’s advice – and Martha’s and many of my non-virtual friends too – it has occurred to me that it might be smart to give up one of the jobs. I’m not enjoying writing corporate puff. I guess a big part of the problem is that the stuff I get to write about tends to be stuff that is so boring even the people who do it for a living don’t want to think about it long enough to write their website… So it’s like pulling teeth. Especially when I’m knackered. Even if it is a lot more effective when you are sending a novel to a publisher to be able to say “I’m a professional copywriter and…”except that the amount of time it takes up the moment I’ll never get round to finishing my sodding book. Which brings me neatly onto my next thought…

Bearing that in mind – and that it’s boring, I decided, today, to pretend I wasn’t doing it any more and do what I’d do if I hadn’t any copy to work on. I have not felt so good in a long time. Case closed. So tactfully and gradually, so as not to leave them too much in the lurch, I am going to have to bin it.

In the meantime, fitness a go-go and a bit of a diet or at least a “let’s eat healthily” binge… I have been spending the hour a day I usually write this, three days a week, anyway, on my bicycle – hence my rather sporadic posting of late – that and having more work than is feasible because I’m such a crap judge of how long it’s going to take.

I’m such a spud about my biking at the moment that I even have some smashing photographs of the tracks I am riding to show you when I get round to it… yes, I’m a complete potato. I was actually going to “show you my ride” I mean as well as the bike and the car (gack!). I can’t show you the best ride because it’s closed – they’re removing a de-railed freight train from the railway near there but eventually I hope to get round to it.

I have broken both the pairs of mountain climbing trousers I’ve been wearing to ride in these two weeks of frenetic activity which has led me to a conundrum…. what to wear?

Now, most cyclists wear lycra shorts. That’s fine for them but when your body is 40% fat and you are a British size 20 on top and 18 at the bottom – that’s a US 18 and 16, respectively – lycra is not your friend.

Conversely, since cyclists are, by nature, light, lithe creatures they are much enamoured with lycra and there is a great demand from the manufacturers for the kinds of small, tight pieces of lycra clothing which fit cyclists.

This I can understand, for a t-shirt which clings tightly to your washboard stomach and shows off your magnificent tits is great… when it shows of your magnificent tits but highlights a big roll of flab underneath it’s not so great. It’s especially frustrating since they do cut them the right shape for me, they go in and out in all the right places, they just go a bit too far in and not quite far enough out. If only they went one size bigger, I’d be laughing… and looking rather good. Although since most of these things are polyester, to which I am allergic, I suspect I’d also be itching. Arse!

All this leaves me wondering… Do I risk another pair of shorts or just carry on in the mountain climbing trousers which, even with big splits* in the upper inside leg are still in far better taste than venturing out in lycra cycling shorts would be…

Hmm…

* Well, I’ll sew them up – obviously – but I’m not god’s gift to needlework so it’s likely they’ll have come unsewn again by the end of an hour’s cycling.

I leave you with bunny hops. Yes you can make your bike jump if you try hard enough. I am trying very hard although my bike is not jumping very much at the moment. The technique is very similar to jumping on a horse and I wasn’t much cop at that either! Never mind, I have been attempting them and on the one occasion in about 50 when I get them right it is a peculiarly liberating feeling. Highly recommended.

Yeh, I’m still knackered but at least now I’ve got a damn good reason and strangely, I feel better. So for your delectation here is somebody teaching and showing you how Bunny Hops should be done…

He makes it look soooooo easy!

And don’t forget now people… Skeletor says get out there and practise… and who am I to cross a scary dude like Skeletor?