Unfortunate Web Addresses 25, May 2007Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Humour, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play.
Tags: barking, crap jokes, funny product names, jokes, oops, Small Scale Disasters, technology
Take two simple, seemingly innocuous words, run them together to make a web address and you get something a little more scary. Ah! The nuances of language! Enjoy…
1. Who Represents – where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity.
Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange – a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company
6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there’s always
8. The Methodist Church (in Cumming, GA) Web site is
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web, site
www.speedofart.com – is that a bubble in your trousers or are you pleased to see me!
10. Thank you Brian, www.wankerscorner.com – only hilarious if you’re British but there we go. I love the bit which says.
“Stop by our online gift store a pick up your official WANKERWEAR today!”
I certainly will, I’ve always wanted to be a tosser!
Tags: household, Illness, obscure facts, oops, Shocking!, Small Scale Disasters
Before you call the ambulance… 10, May 2007Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff.
Tags: Food, oops, Shocking!, Small Scale Disasters
Here’s something you may not know. Eating beetroot doesn’t just dye your wee red.
Yes, I have had a very scary morning! I thought I was going to die! In fact, if I hadn’t already er… you know… um… seen to that scenario it would have scared the crap out of me! So if it ever comes out maroon then before you call the doctor, take some deep breaths, try to stop hyper-ventilating and have a quick think about what you ate the night before… if beetroot was on the menu you can relax and know it’s ok, you’re not going to die after all! You’re just going to pooh red for the rest of the week! Mwa ha ha haaargh!
Right then, I think I’ll just go have a lie down to recover.
Woah! We’re going to Barbados… 11, April 2007Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play.
Tags: barking, Blogging, Hobbies, holidays, oops, Small Scale Disasters
Well… ok… Bali but things may be a little quiet round here until 25th April.
I’ve just finished painting the hall and the stairs, three floors – that’s a lot of wall and bannisters. About 5 days worth to be honest…
Then, there’s those pre-holiday alarums and excursions. Take today, for example. Drama has overtaken me. I lost my prescription sunglasses on Good Friday actually I lost them the week before but I didn’t notice until then (grrrrr!). So, having found an opticians with the facilities to make me another pair TODAY I have to go haring off to the next town and sit for one and a half hours while they sort them.
Who said holidays are restful, I reckon chaos that proceeds them as you try to sort everything out is so huge that a holiday swimming nude with crocodiles in the Everglades and surviving on a diet of only slugs and pond water would be restful after the prep for most people. Especially me after the prep for this one!
Never mind. I will be back to gloat on 25th April! Until then, I leave you with the tumble weed!
Tags: dreams, oops, Shocking!, things you never knew
Yesterday I tried teaching. Ok so it was a group of 6 business people and I was teaching them about ways to structure copy – basically so it’s easier to write and more to the point, easier to read. There’s a very simple, handy knack to doing this which the people I work for – as a subby – have taught me.
I come from a family of teachers and I have always known that I don’t have the balls to teach – mainly because teenagers are the most frightening thing in the world; far scarier than nuclear armageddon, global warming or being attacked by killer bees. So yes, thus far I’ve eschewed the family career.
Yesterday’s workshop comprised 3 courses run by 3 facilitators, one of whom was me. I sat in on the main man for the first half while he taught his course and another subby taught the others, then we swapped, fellow subby sitting in with the main man and me doing “how to write great copy”. Here’s how it went.
I sit down with the group and instantly my brain shuts down. Yes, it’s emptied itself of all useful information and all the fabulously articulate sound bites it containes. Actually it doesn’t contain any fabulously useful sound bites but hey, I can pretend I have prepared for this.
I stare at them like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming articulated lorry. My mouth is waiting to go, it just needs a bit of input from Brain but Brain is scared and has emptied itself of all useful information. Only one word is left.
“Fuck!” It says.
Damn! Clearly I’ll have to wait for it to re-boot. Mouth kicks in to stall them while Brain re-loads.
“Right, how to write great copy…” I say. Hello? Hello brain? Anything coming up on screen? No. Oh dear.
“Great copy… yes, how to write it.” Brain? Brain? Where ARE you? Nope, still not there….
Stammers…”Mmm… great copy… yes well if we start with our notes.” Oh. They all have a different set of notes to me. Worse although I had it 30 seconds ago, I’ve lost my place. Arse…
“Mmm…” I say grinning merrily. “I’m normally a little more articulate than this written down.” They smile indulgently while, inside, I throw a major loop.
“What is going on? I’m a retired stand up comedienne for heaven’s sake!
“If I can remain sort of calm in front of 300 drunken students, hungry for my blood, read them poems – albeit funny ones – and not get booed off the stage, why can’t I do this? I can do stand up standing on my sodding head! What is going on? Why can’t I do this?” Screams… well… all of me – only not out loud.
After all, these are six nice people who want to be here and are eager to learn. Ah, now I understand the problem. I’m afraid of letting them down.
They are very patient, my victims and eventually after what seems like an eternity of blind panic but is probably only a couple of hours, one of them asks me a question. I take deep breath and to my surprise Brain has re-booted and hands Mouth an immediate answer. I calm down, find my place in the notes – and theirs – and we begin.
In the end, I am very pleased to have attempted it. The process of imparting knowledge is fulfilling, there’s no doubt about that and it feels great the one time they really “get” what I’m trying to explain… I wish I could speak in a straight line and remember that my inability to do so is, of course, why I chose to write.
I manage to cover everything and although one of them isn’t too clear on what I’ve been going on about another says it’s the first time she’s really understood it. A partial success then, enough to give me a nice warm feeling – lucky because I’m going to have to do it again.
Mmm… perhaps that’s why teachers plan lessons. I make a mental note that I will try to have some idea of what I am actually going to talk about next time, rather than just busking it from the notes.
After our ordeal is over, I speak to the other subby and discover that the only difference between his experience and mine is that when he looked at their expectant faces the only word left in his brain was. “Shit!”
Clearly he’s better brought up than me!