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Inducements… 6, June 2008

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, General Wittering, Grumpy Old Bag, Life and living, not while you're eating, Pregnancy Issues, whinging, winging.
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Inducement booked for next Wednesday, 11th June. Difficult to explain how delighted I am that there is now a finite finish to this – it’ll be busy and I may not get in on 11th or 12th but I reckon I have to have managed it by Friday 13th.

So… though I’m glad it will finish by then, at the same time I’m not at all looking forward to the concept of being induced which has been given a pretty universal thumbs down – barring one, possibly the rule-proving, exception – from everyone who’s experienced it.

No matter. The one positive comment came from somebody whose first child was induced. This is my first child, it’s not as if I’m going to know if I have a horrific labour. I mean, I am in that it’s going to fucking smart but since I’ll have nothing to compare it to, I will only really know if I have another and the labour goes swimmingly. Yes. Perhaps, in this case, ignorance truly is bliss.

Had my hormones “done” by the reflexology lady today. This should help the braxton hicks and other things that will cause the little blighter to lock and load, at the least. It’s not going to do any harm, anyway, which is the important thing. She suggested I have a sleep afterwards which I did… for three hours! I have woken a human dynamo!

Ah let’s hope they work and he locks, loads and arrives naturally before I get induced.

On a lighter note. Here are some of the things I am looking forward to after the baby is born.

1. Being able to sleep (this afternoon excepted) for more than 40 minutes at a pop.

2. Being able to see my feet.

3. Having ankles.

4. Being able to wear my engagement ring.

5. Being able to climb the stairs without gasping for breath and going blue.

6. Only my boobs aching.

7. Being able to bend down and pick things up.

8. Meeting my little one at long last.

9. Gradually, over time, being able to wear a variety of clothes rather than the ever dwindling number of outfits I can currently cram myself into – at present; a pair of winter cords for cold days and a pair of cotton capri-pants for hot days neither of which stays up.

10. Cutting my toe nails for the first time.

11. Doing one firm stool per day.

12. Riding a bicycle.

13. Being able to run.

14. Being able to wear more than one pair of shoes.

15. Being able to wipe my arse in ease and comfort!

16. Being able to sleep on my back – possibly even my front.

17. Not weeing like it’s a national sport.

18. Being able to dry my feet without pain and breathlessness to the point of almost losing consciousness.

19. Not having reflux.

20. Not having sinus.

21. Being able to stand up long enough to have a shower or blow dry my hair without getting so tired I want to go back to bed again.

22. An end in sight to the SPD exercises!

In short. Not being pregnant!

Social Nasticies Updated… 2, June 2008

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff, Pregnancy Issues.
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I am a little less freaked out about the Polo. My racing friend says that the dress code is probably a la stands at Newmarket or somewhere which means the floaty top over some nondescript trousers probably will do the trick – especially with a summer jacket.

Meanwhile, my mother guffaws good humouredly and says I won’t be able to go anyway; scene one she says I won’t be able to walk, scene two and clearly I’ll be off field and scene three I’ll be zombified by lack of sleep or unable to attend because the enormous weight of my engorged bosoms will preclude me from walking upright…

Meanwhile after discussing the dress code with Mr BC, I think his, very flattering view, is that if he thinks I’m lovely everyone else will too, even if I’m dressed in a selection of bin bags and some crocks (so long as it doesn’t look “frumpy”)!

Few people on this planet are as comfortable in their own skins as Mr BC so his view is that all this social convention is so much crap and the fact I’m there should be enough. Especially as most likely, I will, once again, be wearing the only clothes I fit into! Then again, I gather it’s a client rather than his firm which is a very different kettle of fish. It probably will be.

I may demur at the heels though!

Social Nasticies… 1, June 2008

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff, Pregnancy Issues.
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This is a true, dyed in the wool holy shit moment!

I have to go and be corporate wife at a polo match.

For those of you who don’t know much about polo my the obvious rejoinder is “join the club me neither”.

As I understand it – and I may be wrong but I fear greatly I am not – polo is something posh people do, you know, people like the Prince of Wales or the Sultan of Brunai. You know those kids are dropped off to boarding school in a helecopter at the beginning of term? Those kids are the kind of people who play polo.

Saint’s preserve me.

Ok, Muffin is due today but Muffin is not engaged. It’s the first of June. Round here, they normally wait about 10 to 12 days before they induce you if your little one is late. However, there are so many babies due that it’s stretching out as long as two weeks. That leaves me with three possible scenarios.

One. I have to brave the society set – you know lots of thin tanned, smooth, statuesque (did I mention thin) women in Hermes scarves, designer dresses and Jimmy Choo shoes most of whom are ex models – while still pregnant and looking like some all woman mountain. A female Giant Haystacks in the only item of clothing I am still able to get into, most likely jogging pants stretched to breaking point by that time… Not forgetting the obligatory fascinator in my hair, or smart hat, so I blend in of course… never mind, we’ve probably a pair of curtains or an old tent somewhere I can wear…

Two. The best option, I will be in labour and neither of us will be able to go.

Three. I will have had the baby. Still vast and breast feeding I will have to parade myself, baby and my doubtless, perennially seeping 36K bosom in something that approximates smart dress and society heels without depositing baby sick or breast milk anywhere awkward. I will also have to contrive to keep the baby quiet when it’ll probably only be about 3 days old.

God save us.

Or do I mean, God save them!

A top, something empire line and floaty from the fabulously cheap – and for huge ladies – Peacocks, methinks… With my smashing Vietnamese wrap – sold in designer shops across the UK for substantially more than the £2 I paid for mine!

Yes, and I’ll check with my Mum, who was a deb, thank god. Money went further in those days, she was part of that set and she’ll know what one wears to watch Polo.

The Joys of Pregnancy Number 63. Oedema. 30, May 2008

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Light Fluff, Pregnancy Issues.
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Here, is a picture of my oedema taken at it’s best for three weeks.  Mmm Mmm!  As you can see my feet think they’re going to have a baby as well.

How it looks.

Oh look! Granny\'s ankles

This, of course, is how it feels…

Oedema; how it feels

This week’s tally… 15, May 2008

Posted by babychaos in Art, careers, General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff, Pregnancy Issues, Small Scale Disasters.
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6 comments

Ok, I seem to have become Mrs C’ack-Handide. The less able I am to get to floor level, the more stuff I seem to drop on it. Then there’s my food. Mostly on my shirt these days, or inside my bra, as previously discussed. Here’s this week’s delightful tally.

Three vest tops. One for each day; red pasta sauce, melted butter and chilli sauce.

One shirt. Survived being splashed with red pasta sauce but failed when I managed, merely by tipping the glass to get home made strawberry yogurt smoothie all over it… as well as in my glasses and hair.

Scritchy boobs. I must empty my bras out more regularly, or stop eating ryvita.

Cutting any vegetable will involve dropping most of it on the floor and having to call pathetically to Mr BC – when he’s nearby, to come and pick it up.

Contractions: Braxton Hicks? Absolutely no idea.

Period Pain type things when I walk or just sporadically. Check.

Muffin Movement? Check, lots of it.

I’ve tried some raspberry leaf tea – drunk from 37 weeks on this is supposed to help thin your pelvis and keep contractions sustained during labour. This is week 38 so I reckon I’m ok for 2 cups a day. After my first cup, last night, I felt very dizzy and weepy. Mmm… it clearly does something to the hormones then. I shan’t be having too much of it. Weepy is not my thing.

Hey ho.

Yesterday I left one of my posters with a new baby shop in town. Hoping very much they will like it and buy some. Fingers and toes crossed.

Right then, off to fit my new keyboard. If I disappear for ever you know I failed miserably.

Mmm… fingers and toes are already crossed. Despite hinderance from bump, crosses legs manually…

————

Cacktain’s log, additional. I have fixed my keyboard. Ok, so it’s a piece of piss. A simple case of gently prying off some fascia, undoing two screws, a ribbon connector and then reversing the process but it’s a COMPUTER… and it was expensive, and this would have cost me a squillion quid to pay someone to do and they’d have made me feel like it was incredibly complicated and difficult and that they were incredibly talented to be able to fix something a mere mortal such as myself could not.

So, in short, I feel like a goddess of self sufficiency.

Keyboard £36.00 or thereabouts off ebay (£28 or so if I’d been less prissy and pathetic about matching the original colour and prepared to have a grey one)
Time 5 minutes
Satisfaction total
Smugness – absolutely off the scale.

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