My Latest Project… 15, February 2008

My latest project is a T shirt, the orange one with the space hopper on the front but this time on the actual bump.

To make the T shirt, two to be precise one each for me and a friend, I have had to buy two white T shirts and dye them orange then I will stencil or print and iron on (not sure which yet, the jury’s still out) the design.

Ever dyed anything at home? Hmm… well… it can be easy. Yesterday though, it was a bit of a challenge.

I have three things called eco-balls which I use in my washing machine. Basically they’re a ball screwed shut and held shut, for extra peace of mind, with a screw. Inside the ball are minerals which react with the water and basically do exactly what soap powder does, only, without the foam.

Needless to say one of my balls is slightly suspect, the piece of plastic inside holding the peace of mind screw being broken. It came like that but I couldn’t be arsed to send it back and went ahead and used it anyway. You know how I like to live on the edge.

I keep it zipped up inside a small gauze laundry bag – just in case it bursts open as that way, the gravel – er hem sorry mineral nuggets – it contains will stay in the bag rather than infesting the pump, pipework and other Essential Gubbins inside my washing machine which, I have learned the hard way, is a BAD thing (cf my adventure with the fluffy throw).

It has burst several times but only in the era before I started using the gauze bag although on the up side, since it was still new at the time, the particles of gravel were too big to get through any of holes leading to the machine’s Important Bits.

Yesterday, the time comes to dye my two shirts. Surprisingly I elect to actually read the instructions. First I have to wash them, then dye them in the machine, then wash them again, then set the machine to wash itself with nothing in it. My washing machine takes approximately one geological era to complete a cycle so I know it is going to be a long day.

Undaunted, in went the shirts, in order to make them as pure as possible – ie remove any dressings on the new material but also ensure they weren’t impregnated with the wrong kind of soap, I decide to wash them with the eco balls. Once we get to the spin and rinse section I notice the machine was making a decidedly strange – or is that worryingly wrong – noise.

I stop it mid spin and luckily, I notice the water table was decidedly higher than door level before I fling it gaily open and release a torrent into my kitchen (mmm… unusual). Being a washing machine destroyer of veteran character, I know this means something has clogged the pump.

I drain it, which takes a sod of a long time – imagine syphoning several gallons of water through something the width of a drinking straw, also imagine finding that the pump is set so low that no matter what you do, unless you can raise the machine on four blocks, the last thee mugs full will spew out all over the floor when you unscrew the special thing to get into the filter.

Once drained I find four pieces of red gravel in the pump. Bastard! The eco ball must have burst. That would be what the rattling was then. Never mind these were just small bits which had escaped through the gauze, the rest would be in the bag…

Ah… yes they would be in the sodding bag if the zip hadn’t come undone.

How many times have I put that bag with that dodgy ball into the washer without incident? At a rough estimate, I’d guess approximately infinity to the power of one million and three. Even so, the bastard thing has to break now, just because its friend the eco ball has broken too. Half an hour later I have picked all the balls out of the crevices and cracks in the machine and checked the pump.

All clear.

Good.

In go the shirts again, with the dye and salt, as per and I set the cycle instructed and go to my studio to finish my current commission. Three hours later I come back.

The washing machine is full of Lucozaide-coloured water.

Yikes.

Mr BC is in today, too. Better get jiggy with the syphon before he comes downstairs to make himself a cup of tea. I check the kettle. Yes, still warm. I should have time.

After another god knows how long syphoning dayglo orange water out of the machine through a drinking straw. I am caught red-handed when Mr BC walks in on me. I am not sure how he is going to react but the answer is, with amusement. Phew! Even better, he knows where the instruction manual is.
Another four pieces of sodding gravel in the pump.

The dying process is complete but I must now wash the shirts on a 40 degree cotton cycle, NOT economy mind… It goes without saying that my machine only has a 40 degree economy cotton cycle. Hmm… is this verboten? Not sure. I stick it on a synthetic non economy 40.

Mr BC and I are preparing dinner by this time. Is all well, he wonders as he points to the machine. I’m using half load and normal detergent but there must be something in the dye because above the orange water is a whole drum full of Cresta-like orange foam. Yes it sure is frothy man. It comes to light that Mr BC has begun to regard me as a kind of mad female Emmet Brown. He is never sure what I am going to do next or how it is going to come out. I’m ok with that, he is is still giggling merrily rather than cross.

Phew.

The machine finishes without mishap, I put it through on 40 with nothing in it but detergent, as the dye manufacturers instruct me and then, just in case, I put it though on 95 with nothing but detergent, as the machine manufacturer suggests I do from time to time.

I hope I have successfully de-oranged it’s innards. Time will tell…

I now have two more commissions – they really are like buses, none for ages and then three come along at the same time. There is an, as yet, unborn and therefore un-named and a George, pending. I have, however, completed the Benjamin, relatively without mishap.

Again, phew!

Finally a little light relief for you.

I saw this notice outside my local church, the other day, it’s a bit of a British Comedy joke but never mind, for those of you in the know.

Ah Ha!

PS. D’you think Glen Ponder plays the organ at this gig?