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Due Date Doodlings… 14, December 2006

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Heavy Flow, Miscarriage.
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Well hello there campers.

My boobs are really aching today (I bet you wanted to know that) and it got me thinking about the miscarriage again. You’re quite on your own afterwards really, no two women are the same so it’s difficult for the medical folks to be able to tell a person what to expect.

On the upside, I was able to be surprisingly pragmatic about my loss – well, I was surprised anyway, I thought I’d be all over the shop. So I’ve discovered an interesting thing and that is that emotionally, I’m quite strong. That has given me confidence.

Life gets easier to deal with but I find it still catches me out every now and again. I find I occasionally well up and blub like a big girl because I’ve seen a baby or a push chair or something that just seems to be vulnerable and it brings out something in me I neither know nor understand nor, unfortunately, can control. As I said at the time, something’s opened up in me which I can’t close.

Seven months on… I know it’s something I will learn to live with, something that will, in the end improve the sensitivity of my “tentacles” as my mother always calls them – I believe “intuition” is the word normal people use.

The week my miscarriage happened somebody left a baby doll in our local park. It was clearly loved and cherished, dressed in a pink dress with a home knitted cerise cardigan. It looked so desolate and abandoned lying there on the asphalt. Pretty much the way I felt at the time.

I couldn’t leave her like that – all that pink, it had to be a girl – I had to put her somewhere away from the damp and creepy crawlies on the ground where her loving owner might see her. I was pretty sure I’d seen her in the park before, with a small girl owner and a toy pushchair. I sat her on the railings overlooking the car park and the next morning, by school time, she had gone. I like to think they were reunited. It makes me feel better that a small shard of good stuff came out of my sad stuff.

I have had horrible periods all year. Actually that is bad. If you have really crap periods, lots of pain and the kind of PMT that makes you not so much crabby as certifiable there’s not much fodder for being positive, except that for any other people who’ve had a miscarriage and are reading this I’m assured it’s normal and that your hormones can take as much as a year to settle.

Then there are other good things. I realised just how much Mr BC loves me, how much I love him too and how damned lucky I am to have him. There is still a lot of laughter between us, possibly more so now he has to make up a whole load of extra rubbish jokes to jolly me along when I get sad. Being married to him is a gas and that’s got to be a monster blessing!

I realised how much I wanted children – no… I knew that but Mr BC didn’t. Now, he’s prepared to have another go. If we miscarry again that may be it – he was pretty cut up and says he doesn’t think he could watch me go through it more than twice… Even so, that’s a pretty good outcomefor a woman who had resigned herself not having children because the man she loved didn’t want any – (and if I was going to have children with anyone I wanted his) so thank you to my little mite for that.

I will be confident that if we do make another baby it will be wanted by both of us. Perhaps if junior had come to fruition there would have been times when I would have wondered. Since the first miscarriage, we are surer of each other than ever before so maybe that will help us to give it a stable home life. That’s got to be a good thing, too.

So maybe I should stop behaving like the Grinch! Sod the fact I won’t be here! I’m going to get off my arse and put the tree up.

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Comments»

1. Mrs. Nicklebee - 15, December 2006

Good for you, BC! Get that tree up – and wear long sleeves so you don’t scratch yourself to death in the process. And if you decide to behave like the Grinch later, Mr. BC will still have the tree. 😉

It’s so good to hear that you and Mr. BC are stronger since the loss of your baby. Sometimes that isn’t the case. You sound like a great pair. 🙂

So today’s the day, huh? I don’t think you’ve shared what your due date was and I have wondered where you would’ve been in relation to that.

Calcium and Magnesium can be very helpful for the crampy yuckies, as well as B Complex. Calcium helps with the cramps, Magnesium helps with cravings and … I forget what else, and B vitamins help to regulate hormones and also have a calming affect so that everything in the whole wide world doesn’t seem so awful.

Thank you for sharing your pain and I’m sorry for it at the same time.

(((((BC))))), hugs, chocolate and a gigantic box of Puffs Plus to you. (Sorry, I couldn’t find just a plain image. Had to have all the excess website junk with it.)

2. babychaos - 15, December 2006

Well I know it was conceived on 19th March and I lost it over the week of 8-10th May so I reckoned it was due sometime this or last week… No exact date, exactly but even though I was aware it might get me a bit, it’s got me worse than I thought it would.

I usually take Evening Primrose Oil with added GLAAAA for my barking periodness but I binned it in favour of Mum to Be herb and vitimin supplements which said you shouldn’t take it with anything else!

I think I’m pretty lucky. What with the Mr BC thing, it’s fairly obvious to me how there have been positive results… apart from my poor car, they made a really duff job of patching it up! Not duff enough to complain but pretty crap nonetheless.

Anyhoo… the tree’s plastic so I’m off to decorate it now and to wrap up nephew and brother’s light sabres and sister-in-law’s Take That album! Thank you for the hugs – hugs to you too.

Cheers

BC

3. lea alissa - 18, December 2006

Sounds like you’re in much better shape than I am. I don’t even plan to put up a plastic tree..My Mister makes me laugh all the time too, but it got me wondering about whether he might be the one who actually needs to be cheered up. Mr. BC might need a bit of cheer too..and not having the Grinch next to him might just be the ticket! 🙂

4. babychaos - 19, December 2006

I’m hoping so… although I have a touch of the lurghi now so I’m in bed with a runny nose feeling sorry for myself.


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