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The Morons With Their Heads Screwed On Backwards have overrun the Earth. 28, December 2006

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, Grumpy Old Bag, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play.
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Yes. It’s official. Stupid buggers!

I have just been into town to get some shopping. It was hidious in fact, I gave up half way and came back. Ok so I couldn’t have finished anyway since I’d spent half an hour compiling a shopping list only to leave it on the kitchen table. That, in itself, should have served as a warning but it didn’t.

So why was it crap?

This is why. Normally, when I walk along, I can avoid bumping into people coming the other way. I can only do this, of course, if the stupid fuckers are looking where they’re going. Today that wasn’t going to happen because the Morons With Their Heads Screwed on Backwards had overrun town.

It was like I had taken an invisible pill and until they walked slap into me no other human on earth knew I was there. Once they’d collided they made out I’d materialised right there in their path to piss them off. Most of them were carrying plastic bags full of lead, too, which they made sure to smack into my shins and knees on impact. Bastards! It was hateful.

Along with them these are the other evil scum who were in town today.

  • People walking towards me without looking where they were going, barging into me and then acting like it was my fault.
  • People walking into my path without looking so I had to stop and then not apologising.
  • People walking in lines of three across the pavement as slowly as they possibly could without actually being stationery.
  • People standing blocking the pavement so the rest of us had to go round them.
  • People with their bloody children who were letting them run around all over the place, unchecked and then looking angry or demanding an apology when they ran full tilt into my bad leg and the pain made me wince – no wonder my mother always goes out with a stick.
  • Parents with their huge pushchairs blocking the aisles in the supermarket and giving me a filthy look when, I said “excuse me” and squeezed past – without actually causing any difficulties to them, or their children by doing so.
  • Parents blocking the pavements with their huge pushchairs and hoards of children and glaring at me when I walked on the road – presumably they were annoyed with me for thwarting their attempts to completely block the thoroughfare.
  • People coming out of shop doorways without looking and stopping dead right in front of me, blocking the pavevment and the way for any other people trying to get out of the shop. Oh yes and then not apologising, of course.
  • Precious people making out that the world must move aside for their children, even though they’re running backwards and forwards all over the pavement, with no apparent aim, direction or intention therefore making it nigh on impossible for the rest of us to get out of the fucking way! And then shouting at me like it’s my fault when I give up and stand still and their vile spawn run into me.  Hurting  my leg again.

And finally. Handy hint! If you’re carrying and anvil in a plastic bag don’t smack it into every other fucker’s legs. It’s not nice!

Good to get that off my chest!

Right. I’ve just bought 4kg of tomatoes so now to make passata.

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Comments»

1. simplybob - 28, December 2006

Most parents deserve a good, swift kick up the arse, it’s a vile mix of arrogance and laziness that prevents them from controlling their children. Sod it, bring back corporal punishment and be done with it.

The sales aren’t worth the hassle that the bargain hunting hordes bring to any sane person, I’d rather just sit home and moan about them.

2. babychaos - 28, December 2006

Absolutely! Mind you, we’re talking a small market town here so the bastards should have been somewhere crappy like Cambridge or London!

Cheers

BC

3. Mrs. Nicklebee - 28, December 2006

I’m sorry you had such a horrible time. We can be just plain rude to each other sometimes.

Thanks for reminding my why it is a good thing to be judicious with my kids’ behavior and not slack off, no matter how much I’d like to let them go and pretend they’re someone else’s.

Just a suggestion: maybe check to see if of your clothing resembled a bullseye in any way, shape or form. 😉

*mental note: Cambridge and London are crappy. Don’t go there. Also, carry a stick, no, an electric cattle prod, when walking in shopping areas where BC lives. Also, leave anvil, cement blocks, and tire iron in the car.

4. babychaos - 29, December 2006

An illuminating parental insight there. Now I know what they were doing, trying to pretend their kids didn’t belong to them! The electric cattle prod occurred to me, too. There are times when I would love one of those!

Cheers

BC

5. Mrs. Nicklebee - 30, December 2006

I’ll send you my extra one for Christmas next year. 😀

6. Mrs. Nicklebee - 30, December 2006

Oh my gosh!!! I am dying here!!! I just noticed what your original title was!!!! ROFLMBO

7. Mrs. Nicklebee - 30, December 2006

By the way, have you checked to see how much your blog is worth according to that “powered by Technorati” link recently? 8-0

8. lea alissa - 2, January 2007

Not to paint a mean picture of where I live but that sounds a lot like Manila. 🙂

On the bright side,at least you have a people-pavement. Pedestrian areas are scant here. People get run over by cars every year.

hmm..you could make like a football player next time and wear shinguards under your pants for protection! 😀 It would keep you warmer too…

I hope you enjoyed the holidays in spite of all that. 🙂 Happy new year BC! 🙂

9. babychaos - 2, January 2007

Thanks pet! I hope yours was a good ‘un, too!

Cheers

BC

10. flyingrowan - 10, January 2007

first of all, I always leave my shopping list in the kitchen somwhere or in the hall, or on the way out of the door it gets caught on something in the air or who knows what, i always end up doing it from memory.

secondly, those lead filled bags are a fucking nightmare, especailly as its always you that ends up apologising for being bashed in the first place “oh im terribly sorry for getting in the way of your sadistic shopping”, i say, your mum has it right on the button, invest / find a heafty stick you can take out with you and do some shin bashing of your own and if they fight back tell them its imbued with bad Ju-Ju and that when the moon is full all their hair will fall out after being hit with it.

Anyway, from this description of what is probably an average shopping trip it might be better to stay in all together, especially as it seems like Everyone was looking at you…

I think I’ve gone on long enough I’m now going to be late for a lecture.

11. mrsmetaphor - 11, January 2007

Maybe you really ARE invisible and that’s the trouble…

True Confession:
In grocery stores when my children are completely out of hand I often sidle up to a clerk and have him yell at them for something…snaps them right out of it.

12. babychaos - 11, January 2007

Mrs M you are clearly a wise and grounded parent, flyingrowan, I love the ju-ju idea! I will have to find a really dark scary knobbly stick that looks as if it’s been handed down through generations of witch doctors in deepest, darkest Africa!

Cheers

BC

13. flyingrowan - 11, January 2007

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/art/a/n/angelhill/juju1.jpg.html
look you can actually buy juju sticks, i had no idea!

14. babychaos - 12, January 2007

Woh! There we go then, that’s me sorted!

Watch out all you fuckers with your anvil shopping now! I will have my revenge…

Mwah ha ha haaaaaargh!

Cheers

BC


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