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Is she or isn’t she? 27, February 2007

Posted by babychaos in Art, careers, General Wittering, Life and living.
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First up, I’m going to whinge on about my boobs again, even though I did it to death yesterday, I may mention other things I said yesterday but I can’t remember what I wrote and re-reading my post doesn’t seem to have enlightened me.

My tits still ache. They ache like buggery, I’m knackered and I can’t remember… well… my own name a lot of the time, let alone what I wrote yesterday. So even though we haven’t played “doctors and nurses” on the right days to produce a Junior BC I can’t help wondering if… well… if the reason I never got a hormone surge result from my if-it’s-positive-shag-each-other-NOW ovulation wee sticks was because I’d already had one and ovulated and er… THINGS had taken place.  I had a weird flappy wings experience which might also point to this.  I’ll explain about the flappy wings tomorrow because it’s  a bit la-la and a huge tangent and we’ll all get lost.  So… where was I?  Ah yes, here.  So… it’s a simple either or. Either I’m pregnant or I’m about to have the most humungous, gob-smackingly agonisingly, horrible period possible – short of an actual miscarriage.

So… in favour, my boobs ache, on Sunday I forgot where my friend lived, I am having a bit of difficulty concentrating, I am discovering a new dimention of knackered and I’m getting the odd bout of period pains which last about 10 minutes or so and then go off. I find it difficult to follow conversations because I can’t concentrate hard enough yes, I do feel like there’s not quite enough oxygen getting through to the brain. So that’s pretty much how I felt last time, then… Oh yes and my boobs are “pushing the envelope” of a 34F where, usually, they rest quite comfortably.

Against, I’ve felt something near to this pretty much every month since the miscarriage, I’ve been perennially knackered all winter, I couldn’t possibly have managed to conceive because we haven’t shagged each other at the right time and I don’t feel sick. In addition though I have all the same symptoms as last time I don’t have them as badly. There could be a reason for this, last time I was walking with one leg only. Any of you who have ever had to spend a few weeks on crutches walking with no more than one leg at any given time will appreciate how tiring it is. Dragging 12 and a half stones of lardy bird about the place on two sticks takes stamina, I was in a permanent flop sweat from the exertion and my resting pulse went down to about 56. So I was justifiably knackered then, over and above being pregnant.

So I know I banged on about this yesterday but what am I going to do about it? Well…

I’m still wondering if I should disrupt the gold – sorry, platinum – dust on the remaining pregnancy test and wee on it now. It’d be good because I’d know for sure. On the other hand, my period isn’t due for seven, yes SEVEN whole days there people. So if I wee on the stick and it’s negative I have done two dumb things. One, I’ve wasted a precious and hugely expensive pregnancy test. Two, if I feel like this now and I’m not pregnant seven days of unmentionable PMT would follow with no upside AT ALL. So although that means I will be floating any potential little one into existence on a lake of red wine, well… there’s plenty of folic acid to go with, I’d rather not know in order to make the seven days less stark.

See my logic?

On a completely different subject… sort of… the other day, after my impressive heights of gumbeedom before the baby shower I did manage to remember where I lived and find my own way home.

It didn’t stop me playing fuel gauge chicken though. I departed for my 15 mile journey home with it reading “refill” which means there is less than 5 litres left and when I finally got to a petrol station put 31.5 litres into my 33 litre tank. Oops. That was probably a BAD THING!

The lady I gave the flash cards to has ordered 5 or 10 sets, depending on price and one of my kind readers here has also asked about ordering a set… just on the strength of a mention. Thank you Mrs M you are a brave lady. It’s things like this that suggest to me that art is what I should be doing with my life.

Right then, better scoot. It’s 9.00 am and I’m still sitting in bed typing. Should I admit that publicly? Mmm… I’ll risk it. It’s an art day to day, too so I don’t want to piss it to the four winds. No corporate puff just painting, painting, painting! Excellent!

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Comments»

1. Beth - 28, February 2007

Well I’m hoping for you that the sore tits MEAN something… like pregnancy. Come on!! Will check back and stay hopeful for you… and OK, will let the August date on getting pg go. Good point on the disappointment if I don’t make it. But the TTC has already begun… crazy me and the doc said go for it… so we did.

I think maybe I need to be hit in the head to help me forget so it would happen — my brain won’t QUIT thinking about it 😦

2. babychaos - 28, February 2007

It is really hard. I’m just trying to forget about it and hoping I’ll suddenly wake up and realise I’m 3 weeks over due! I’ll be rooting for you, too.

3. mrsmetaphor - 2, March 2007

TTC makes women insane BC. If you were NOT ttc…you would not have this list a’tall. You’d be happily hoovering and not thinking one bit about it but alas this is where you are…

each day when I was ttc for the first few months I would rise and fall with the temperture charts and the peeing on the stick…then one month instead of saying “I KNOW I’m pg” or “I KNOW I’m not” I found a good phrase…

I hope I am pregnant.

Hope is a very good thing…I hope you are pg.

Post here every day for 7 days and we’ll keep you from testing! LOL

4. babychaos - 2, March 2007

I’ve almost done it… I’ve almost managed to ignore it and get on with stuff but only by making sure I really keep my nose to the grindstone and crack on with that to-do list!

You’re right about hope and also I guess just being calm… After all, what will be will be.

Cheers

BC


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