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The Embarrassment Gnomes Strike, the Beatles make BC happy and still she winges! 15, March 2007

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, General Wittering, Grumpy Old Bag, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play, whinging.
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Ok it’s not a great title but you get my drift. Last night, in the kitchen, with “the End” by the Beatles – the really and I mean REALLY funky bit at the end of Abbey Rod playing er… quite loudly I was laying up the trays for supper. We usually eat in front of the TV off trays, slobby but hey…

So there I am strutting about the kitchen Mick Jagger style (only it doesn’t look cool, rock ‘ard or even human when I do it it looks like I imagine the dog that plays the piano out of the Muppets would if he took an acid tab). As I’m rootling about in the draws, bum waggling and head nodding like Ralph the Dog (as previously described). I look up and there’s Mr BC. I dunno how long he’d been there, probably far too long because he was grinning.

You know those moments when you are doing something really fun but also really stupid. The kind of things you do on your own but would never want anyone to see? Er… maybe you don’t but my personality has this kind of life of its own which I am often unable to subsume… I suspect it’s because if I actually got embarrassed the way normal people do I just wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning.

Anyway, this was definitely a private do this alone and never be seen by anyone or you’ll have to kill them moment so I was swiftly attacked by the embarrassment gnomes and went into shy lady mode… He’s still taking the piss out of me about it this morning!

Then again, yet another of my friends is pregnant, once again throwing into stark relief the fact that I am very much not and that just like every single sodding month since we’ve been trying my er… go-days… this month, according to the Wee Sticks of Enlightenment are on days when there is just no hope of any action.

Tonight – massive wine tasting, Mr BC will be hammered and therefore accompanied by Snow White’s well known diminutive friends Sleepy and Droopy. So, no chance today – or tomorrow – massive dinner party, Mr BC and I will BOTH be a bit merry and sleeping over at some mates’ house with thin bedroom walls so no chance there either. And this seems to happen every month because most months, the week people tend to organise things is the week in the middle which is the BC fertility zone. Fucking sod it! (sorry non-swearers).

Anyway… getting to the point, I promise – what promoted the repeated playing of “The End” along with “Golden Slumbers” and more importantly “Carry that Weight” is because they are sung by what is clearly a raw and hurting Paul McCartney and when I’m raw and hurting they make me feel better – I do play them when I’m not sad, too because whatever mood one is in they are excellent lift-me-up material. But it was almost prescient that there should be a post on Chrisfiore’s blog which featured this music on the morning of the day I found this out. So I was already prepared and already listening to one of my favourite belt-up-BC tracks when I heard the news which though happy and good made me feel so sad…

Chrisfiore, I thank you.

Oh I’m delighted for her, don’t get me wrong but still empty and down and low and just pissed off for me… and of course, that makes me feel bitter and twisted and evil. Yes, sod the dwarves, I’m the Evil Step Mother!

“Hello, thank you for talking to BC, I’m afraid her generosity of spirit is completely absent right now… please leave a message after the beep or hold for the wrong kind of attention.”

Oh! Arse! And tonight, and tomorrow, I’m going to be hanging out with her and another pregnant friend, too (nose braced for upcoming rubbing in it two nights running) and I’ve got to be generous and happy for them and nice about it when I’m actually feeling slightly less kindly disposed to other humans right now, let alone a brace of pregnant ones, than Snow White’s Step Mum was to Snow White.

Oh sod! I will NOT be a miserable bag about this! I refuse.

Oh well, I have so much work I’m bloody drowning… perhaps I should stop winging, get off my arse and do some of that! It will make me feel more in control of my life and myself and therefore, better!

I’m not sure any of us have control of our lives but we do control the way we react although, that’s the most difficult bit…

So now I’ve dumped this here and I’ll have a quick dose of Abbey Road… perhaps with a little Comfortably Numb and a dash of I’ve Been This Way Before… The angst, the detachment, the jaw-droppingly fabulous VOICE. Mmm… a potent combo! That should do it. Yep and if it doesn’t… then I’ll think about how much I love my husband and how happy I am to have him whether or not we have kids and how I didn’t care whether I had any before the miscarriage and if it still doesn’t work I’ll get my iPod and Abbey Road and go cruising in the sun with the lid off in my car… and THEN get back to work. 😉

I should point out you are meant to laugh if you find the writing funny. The way I defuse the world, my emotions and er… pretty much everything really, is by turning it into a joke. Funny is not scary so funny is easier.

Hey ho… (or should that be Heigh Ho)? Pipple toot!

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Comments»

1. E - 11, January 2008

. . . for a husband, or a baby?

This was the first post of yours I ran across – clicked back to your most recent and am happy for you.

Congratulations!

2. gnome - 15, March 2008

thank

3. babychaos - 15, March 2008

Gnome.

Go away. You’ve obviously thoroughly read the manual on how to turn off potential customers, lose friends and alienate people.

I don’t want to buy your stupid garden gnomes and neither does anyone else on here. I’ve reported you to Amazon for spamming my blog doubtless you have hundreds of user accounts but with any luck it will cause you some inconvenience.

What is it with Americans selling garden furnishings?

Anyone else too, you spam I report.

Now sod off! The lot of you.

BC

4. Jim in Atlanta - 23, May 2008

I don’t know of a single American to use theterm “Oh sod!” – and the word “sod” is only EVER used with respect to strips of grass and dirt removed from the earth, measuring approximately 14cm thick (from bottom to tips of grass) by .5m x 1m, for the purpose of transplanting a “ready to use lawn… just install and add water.”

So, your reference to this person for garden retailing need not include any reference/inference to this individual being located in the USA.

As for the manual to “turn off potential customers, lose friends and alienate people” – please direct us to this guide. I, personally, would find it a useful reference.

5. babychaos - 23, May 2008

“He does not understand… Explain, as if to a child…” (Quote from Galaxy Quest)

Jim mate… I don’t quite get your comment. The way it comes across you sound a bit upset… or maybe not. My theory is that you’re either a) trying to make a joke which hasn’t quite worked in which case thanks and sorry to be dim and not get or b) you’re really pissed off because you think I’m dissing Americans or c) you’re or a bit autistic or finally, d) YOU’RE GNOME (mwa ha ha haargh).

Ok. Just in case it’s b or c here’s the background so you get what all this is about…

Way back in March, somebody called GNOME kept leaving spam comments on my blog with links to an amazon shop selling garden gnomes. They were strings of nonsensical words, single words or phrases like “if you’d read the manual I think you’d find you’re wrong” say, on entries where I’d posted a picture and said. “Isn’t this funny?”

Nobody minds a commercial company leaving a relevant comment or at least I don’t but relevant means something like this. “Hello BC, liked your reference to gnomes, I sell garden gnomes, here’s a link.”

However, Gnome’s posts weren’t that smart. They were clearly left by some automatic link-generating robot which wasn’t working very well.

After the fifth completely non-sequitous comment from “GNOME” in as many days on a variety of blog posts not to mention a great wad from other people like him/her/it – ie all in the US and all selling garden furnishings – I got annoyed. The thing that pissed me off most is that when I checked out the ones that were almost there, ie to see if the comments linked to another blog from somebody whose written english just wasn’t that good, instead I would find a commercial enterprise which, more often than not, would only sell their garden equipment exclusively in and to the US market.

So not only were they leaving spam all over my blog but it was dumb spam, after all, only a small percentage of my readers are from the US and it’s not like any of my readers here in Britain or in other parts of the world could actually buy anything from Gnome, is it? No. Not even if they wanted to.

So to sum up, this is where the reference to Americans comes from, all the spam was from American companies, selling garden stuff in most cases ONLY to their home market. In other words, it had nothing to do with my or their use of the word “sod”, it was because I’d visited their sites and read their company addresses.

Still with me?

Good.

Right. Now, I wouldn’t doubt that you’ve never heard an American use the word “sod” in any way other than that which you describe. But here’s the thing.

I’M BRITISH!

Yes. So, while I am perfectly aware that in American the word “sod” means grass or more specifically, what we, in Britain, call turf, I am using it in the BRITISH sense. That is, as a swear word. In short I am requesting “Gnome” to leave, in a rude manner. Like saying “fuck off stop spamming my blog” but in a more interesting way.

So the way to alienate and piss people off Jim, is to spam their blog with meaningless drivvle or adverts for a product neither they, not their readers could buy if they even wanted to. It also makes the person doing the advertising look a bit of a tit (another British swear word meaning idiot).

I hope that clears things up! If you don’t understand the comment, read the article. If you still don’t understand the comment it’s always a good idea to ask for an explanation first and THEN throw your bricks out of the pram. No offence intended but I reckon it’s pretty obvious that comment is not aimed at you, personally – well, unless you’re Gnome – or a blanket dig at American’s in general but at a specific person or group of Americans which, at the time, happened to be greatly pissing me off.

Cheers

BC

6. Uh? Answers on a post card, please… « Random thoughts consigned to the scrap heap of cyberspace - 23, May 2008

[…] that are months old? It seems to happen here frequently and I just wanted to share one I got on this post […]


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