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Uncle Isaac’s Unknown Laws 19, March 2007

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Humour, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play.
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Here are some of Isaac Newton’s lesser known laws… Family legend has it that he is my great (to the power of however many million it is) uncle – we’re all supposed to be descended from his half sister – so presumably I should know. It makes the maths situation all the more amusing – yet another advantage to an anonymous blog then – I can tell you all without it being posy.

Actually, all his alleged great nephews and nieces are dyslexic and very few of them can add up… clearly he got the mathematical ability for the entire lineage in one hit.

The most compelling argument for there being substance to this rumour is that I read somewhere that he used to get up in the morning, have an idea and then get distracted and just sit on his bed thinking about it. He’d forget to dress, forget to eat, forget to go out and see his friends… if he thought about it for too long he might even forget to go to bed again… now THAT I can identify with, although sadly, none of the ideas I get distracted by are quite in the gravity league.


Weird enough, then, but not bright enough to be genius… Bugger.

Without more ado then, here are Newton’s eighth, ninth, tenth and eleventh laws…

Law 8
When you are scrubbing the loo with the loo brush bog water will splash up and land on your lip or your eye.

There are few known variants to this law but if there there is bleach in it and the scrubber is clothed the splash back may land on her blue top, bleaching little pink dots into it. The probability that this spotting will occur is 100% – no matter how fast the scrubber gets to the taps to wash it off.

Law 9
Positive staining is viable. A blue bic biro can be used to colour in pink bleach spots on a dark blue top so that with careful edge smudging the bleached areas will be indistinguishable from the original.

Law 10
Washing hung out to dry in unsettled weather will precipitate rain. This is almost 100% probable if the washing in question is big towels… the rain will not usually occur until the towels are almost dry and their owner too far away to get back and take them in before they are soaked again.

Law 11
When chickpeas are boiled up in a pan they may be watched for at least 40 minutes during which time there will be no discernible drop in water levels within the pan. However, should the Guardian of the Cooking Chickpeas leave the room they will boil dry in less than 5 minutes, appending themselves to bottom of the pan with the kind of stickiness that the people who glue the wings onto 747s haven’t yet managed to emulate*.

The Guardian of the Cooking Chickpeas will then spend the next 4 hours trying to get them off. The probability of this occurring is 100%.

*Actually this is because the minute the Guardian of the Cooking Chickpeas leaves the room the Chickpea Boiling Shambles Goblins drink all the water without her noticing.

More of Uncle (allegedly) Isaac’s unknown laws later…



1. Mark Kenny - 20, March 2007

Does soaking the chickpeas overnight help get rid of them? Soaking is pretty much the secret weapon against a lot of things. I even used it on our kitchen hob when I was a student. It was the only way to get the food off that had become chemically bonded to the surface.

No wait, it was more than chemically bonded, it was atomically fused. It was fundamentally joined. That food was no less than spiritually united to our hob, such was its sticking power.

2. hudds53 - 20, March 2007

How true are your laws. I can today relate to law #8. Good job keep it up

3. Kat - 20, March 2007

Law 10 has a corollary that if you don’t take an umbrella with you during such weather, the probability is that it will rain. Bucketloads. Usually when you’re running late for a Very Important Meeting.

There are more unknown laws of physics. The Laws of Procrastination, for example. 😀

4. babychaos - 20, March 2007

Mark, sadly soaking was not so good in this case, in the end I boiled it all up again, then it came off… strange… still at least you know somebody else understands the pain of trying to clean a student hob!

Bill, ack, horrible, you have LOTS of sympthy.

Kat, absolutely right and thanks for the link the laws of procrastination are great and true!



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