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Search Strings again.. 23, March 2007

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, General Wittering, Humour, Light Fluff, Play.
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It’s that time again when I share some of the more bizarre phrases people have put into Google to find this site. Some are funny, some are pervy some are just downright weird. Anyway, enjoy…

phil spectre, hair – god alone knows what you were looking for but thank you for stimulating the surrealist lobe in my brain.
why does my goldfish have big stomach – because it’s fat. Maybe you’ve over fed it.
Is This The Way To Armadillo? – Nope.
permanent phlegm without cold – never mind, it’s like having your very own personal supply of oysters, some people would pay good money to be in the situation you’re in, relax and enjoy it.
flux me i’m famous – eh?
jealous of pregnant friend – you and me both lady
leg swearing – yeh, I can do that, “sodding leg” there, see?
bogey taste – gritty unless you’re outside London.
nervous farting – if you get that nervous, make sure you don’t eat beans the night before an important job interview.
exterminate weevils – indeed.
all about ruby murrys life – surely there is no real ruby, unless you were looking for the history of curry.
wizened old crone – yep, that’s me
how+to+get+a+drunk+person+sane – give up, you can’t
arse caught on video – not mine! Phew!
crappest band ever – that would be the Boom Town Cowboys. Comprising me, my brother and my friend. Crap because we were 8 and none of us could play an instrument.
tomatoes love carrots – everyone loves carrots.
sweatpants erection pictures – please no… please don’t tell me people look for stuff like that.
heap holidays in may – indeed and if you use um roads, holidays often um heap big pain in arse.
why are people frightened of art – because they’re cretins.
how to get a fabric scrap heap – but like… why would you want to?
britney’s beef curtains – I get thousands of hits along the lines of Britney no nickers but I’ve left this one in because I find the phrase, “beef curtains” particularly hilarious.
Crone hits – Crone hits what? Don’t look at me. I haven’t punched anyone lately… or released a record
love – there were 121 hits on this and where did these people end up, the Love Carrots page. Oh dear. Never mind
love photo – and these people? Ditto… probably looking for something other than two carrots…
gi’mmm – eh?
can’t smell your own farts – why would you want to? More to the point it means you can let one go wherever you like because nobody else can! Parp away, dear! Lucky you.
farting when nervous – as I told the other person, there’s no cure. Never mind, at least the person who can’t smell theirs can chuff away with impunity, no matter how nervous they get.
ULTRAVOX – In CAPITALS. You can hear them absolutely shouting it at the screen! I said fucking ULTRAVOX! That’s a pop group not some strange lady’s blog you robotic bastards!
miscarriage hormones crying – bless you, you will, lots. I promise it will get better though, I refer you to this post on another blog, which really puts it well and will make you feel a bit more human.
people who stand still in disasters – tend to get hit by careening pieces of wreckage
how do scrap heaps work – um…. not like this.
love carrots – indeed
new mice for 2007 – eeek (oh ho ho)
kite competition accident – just have to enjoy that mental picture a while… thank you. Right, on we go.
is farting dangerous – not unless you light them and inadvertently set fire to your bum or nearby buildings.
Do carrots make you miscarry – I keep getting this one. I suppose it depends how big they are and what you do with them but otherwise, no, ladies, they don’t.
do bugs live in my eyebrows – yes, I’m afraid they do. Luckily they’re microscopic so you can’t see them.
why is my printer only printing yellow? Because the other three inks have run out – my mother is always doing this, get a new black cartridge and a new colour cartridge and you’ll be fine
babychaos – somebody loves me! Poof!
pregnant chicken stock – oof… that one might have been looking for me.
I george love bush – Is this somebody who loves George Bush getting the words in the wrong order… well if you were dumb enough to love George Bush you probably wouldn’t be able to string a sentence together would you? Or is it somebody called George who loves a certain kind of naughtiness? Mmm we’ll probably never know.
Is there any harm to the body in cybersp – virtually none at all! oh ho ho!
random sod – of grass or um… is that an insult? 1
brillo made stain – I hear you, I have brillo stains on my suede boot.
747 dream lifter – what? I’ve had several hits from people searching for this, is it a band? Please Mr or Mrs 747 dream lifter person, enlighten me!
why do my knees bend in sideways – because you’ve broken them.
peggy wanker – wow! Bum name you have there, Peggy.
call me if you’re bored – I would but you didn’t leave your number.
osteochondritis desicans – oh dear, I’d better write some more of my knee review so you can actually find out what it is.
miscarriage of one twin bleed like period – if that’s you, don’t be afraid. My mum had periods each month thought her pregnancy with my brother after losing his twin early on. He’s fine… so hang in there dude, you’ll be ok.
once twice three times a lady – sorry Commadores fans, like Road to Amarillo, I can’t post somebody else’s song here, it’d be just my luck to get sued.
i know a mouse and he hasnt got a house… I don’t know why I call him Gerald!
what is consigned technology? Search me?
jokes about geese eggs – Nope, sorry, don’t know any.
feels like i need to wee – you’ve probably got cystitis, even if you’re a bloke you can get this so you’d better go to the doctor.
big bollocks banging my arse – I needed a wee after reading that one I was laughing so much. I’m sorry oh monster cobblered-one, you’ll just have to accept that nature, in her bounty, has given you grapefruits where others have oranges.

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Comments»

1. Geldoff - 24, March 2007

Tears streaming down my face from laughing so much; brilliant, BC!

BTW Peggy Wanker was Al Bundy’s wife’s maiden name in the American sitcom Love and Marriage. (Howzat for useless trivia?!) The sitcom was one of those that was unmissable if you ‘got’ it but otherwise unwatchable. It appealed to me because it was true – and intentional – American irony. And, yep, you can call a sceptic a “wanker” and he won’t have a clue you’ve insulted him. 🙂 Let’s not get onto the usage of the word “fanny” though …

2. babychaos - 24, March 2007

Tell me about it. They call grass “sod” too. I remember going to Canada and practically wetting myself over the prolific number of sod farms all over Ontario province. I wondered if there were intensively farmed bastards anywhere… but I digress.

I am delighted to have amused you and thank you for solving the Peggy Wanker conundrum! I have discovered that boringly… incredibly boringly actually, a 747 dream lifter is a plane, the most butt ugly one I have ever seen. Imagine the normal 747 is Marlon Brando as a young man… yeh well the dream lifter is Marlon Brando when he gets old and scary looking and distinctly over weight. It is rare and remarkable, not only because of it’s huge size but also because its tail end comes off so you can get loads of stuff in…

I have not been able to confirm whether or not Marlon Brando came with this facility. 😉

Cheers

BC

3. Beth - 24, March 2007

I’m running to find out what crazy ones are in my blog searches. I never thought to look! You are so brilliant ;).

4. Deanna - 26, March 2007

I look at my search strings too. I get an uncommonly large number of people searching for information about their pregnant pets. Thanks for linking to the hormone trauma. Every little bit of getting information out there helps.

5. babychaos - 27, March 2007

Any time because I can tell you for sure, it does!

Cheers

BC

6. Nate - 29, March 2007

The sweatpants erection is a band, champ. Don’t know how good they are.

7. babychaos - 30, March 2007

Ah ha! Thanks for that me dear! Another small mystery solved!

Cheers

BC

8. Beth - 31, March 2007

Well had to change the link to my blog so just to let you know… hopefully didn’t lose you, but long story — suffice it to say that ex-wife of husband found it… don’t want that now do we? I hope this one works… and doesn’t include first and last name. Not good at this… ;)!

9. Beth - 31, March 2007

well how in the world can it link to my new one. HA!

10. Laila Ali Poster - 20, September 2007

Laila Ali Poster

I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read.

11. ultravox music history - 12, January 2008

ultravox music history

Very interesting post. A little bit confusing, but it still ok Hm.


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