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If you thought you knew some idiots… 8, May 2007

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Humour, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play, whinging, Work.
Tags: ,

Try working for a coach company.

It never ceases to amaze me not only how shabbily people treat the staff of bus and coach companies – especially the drivers – but that’s a different subject. The ceaslessly amazing thing I’m talking about here is what complete gumbees bus and coach users can be. I knew a chap who worked in a coach company. He said there used to be a sign on the control room door saying “if idiots could fly this place would be an airport” Just to prove it, here are a couple of the stories he told me about conversation with their day trip customers.

Somewhere in a coach depot, far, far away during the war in the former Yugoslavia….

Caller: Hello, I was wondering if your day trip to Bruges (Belgium) is taking place tomorrow.
Phone Jack: Yes it is.
Caller: Are you sure, with all the bombing in Kosovo I thought it might be cancelled.
Phone Jack: Um why would it be cancelled?
Caller: Well, it’s pretty dangerous in Kosovo right now, I’m in the Armed Forces so I know.
PJ: Yes but this is a day trip to Belgium.
Caller: Yeh but they’re both in Europe.
PJ: Um… they’re quite a long way apart, you know and Belgium is a different country.
Caller: Really? How long does the bus take to get to Bruges then?
PJ: Um… about 4 hours.
Caller: Well begging your pardon but that sounds close to me, I fly over Kosovo all the time and it that’s all it takes for me to get there.
PJ: I believe aeroplanes travel at about 500 miles an hour, sir, please God tell me you’re calling from Mildenhall [fulling tankers and delivery: Ed] and not Lakenheath [supersonic black triangles: Ed]. The bus you will be travelling on is limited to 60 miles an hour.
Caller: Oh… So I shouldn’t cancel?
PJ: No sir, you shouldn’t cancel, Belgium and Kosovo are as far apart as Dallas and New York.
Caller: Really?
PJ: Really. Trust me, Sir, you are quite safe in Belgium, although whether the world is safe with you in the skies over Kosovo is an altogether different question…

Actually, reading that, I can kind of see how the employees of Bus and Train companies have earned a reputation for being rude. Here’s another classic conversation:

Caller: Hello, I’ve booked my son on the day trip to Calais next week but now I can’t go, can he go without me?
Phone Jack: Is he over 16?
Caller: No he is 14.
Phone Jack: I’m sorry, Madam but unless he is with another adult we can’t to take him on this trip. It’s because of our insurance.
Caller: Oh, that’s ok, he will be with his aunt… Will he need a passport?
PJ: Yes, I’m afraid he will.
Caller: Are you sure, only he is on my passport and I am flying to Czechoslovakia on business tomorrow.
PJ: I’m very sorry but without a passport he can’t travel from Britain to France.
Caller: Not even if I send him with a letter from his mother?
PJ: I’m afraid not. However, since you have phoned us more than a day before the trip you can cancel your tickets without incurring a handling charge, would you like to cancel?
Caller: I would very much like my son to go to France, what about if I got a letter from his doctor.
PJ: No. I’m sorry, would you like me to return your cheque.
Caller: A lawyer?
PJ: I’m sorry, Madam, but no.
Caller: Ok. I will get back to you.

She never did cancel, I guess she came back early and went to Calais on the Coach with her son.


1. GeekLady - 8, May 2007

Stupidity is universal 😀

2. Brian - 8, May 2007

GeekyLady: Amen.

I just love these stupid caller scripts. 🙂 I’m in I.T. so I’m used to seeing the tech support versions, but it does my heart good to see that stupidity isn’t reserved computer users!

Now where is that “Any Key”?

3. Flying Rowan - 10, May 2007

ha, the general public are complete idiots sometimes, but make for an entertaining read! this made me chuckle, ta. I’m in the throws of dissertation hell right now and this provided me with some light relief..at least im not in a plane with the guy flying to kosovo. in fact that’s quite serious.. im glad im not in kosovo.. oh dear.. i’ve brought myself down again.

enough rambling

4. babychaos - 10, May 2007

Glad you enjoyed… I aim to please… He told me a cracking story about Digbeth which, unfortunately, I have completely forgotten! Ah well…!



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