Things there should be a word for Number 2… 28, June 2007
Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Humour, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play.Tags: eternal questions, Things there should be a word for
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The surreptitious process of trying to check whether or not your flies are done up (or your skirt is tucked into your pants) without anyone noticing when you come out of a public lavatory into a crowded room and can’t quite remember whether or not you did your flies up (checked your skirt was not tucked into your knickers).
Random thoughts consigned to the scrap heap of cyberspace 
Fortunately for men, it isn’t an overly stealthy process. Because of our inability to multitask, most of the time we watch our feet while we walk, and a quick inward glance will tell if the barn door is open. Unfortunately, if it is, there’s no way to gracefully close it without both hands at the crotch, and is usually accompanied by a facial contortions and some tip-toe standing, although we’re not sure that really aids in the process.
I really feel for the woman who comes out of the restroom with her skirt bunched up and tucked in back. It’s like the proverbial car accident – you don’t want to look, but you just have to. Throw in a streamer of toilet paper and you’ve got pure entertainment gold.
So, you have a backstory for this one? 😉
Not exactly!
I have noticed that the few occasions when I don’t check are the ones when, about seven hours later I think “hmm… feels a bit draughty” and then discover that yes, I left my flies undone after my last wee and yes, I have been walking around town with the barn door wide open and the contents of the barn, straw, animals, you name it, on conspicuous display to all. This is kind of forgiveable for a man but not for a woman.
Luckily I don’t wear skirts that often and so far, when doing so, I have not struck comedy gold….
That said, I remember working in a restaurant and a woman came to me in a great state of distress to say she’d broken the loo (happened often but she wasn’t to know). Hers and the preceding people’s unloadings had risen to the surface and then on, over the edge onto the floor. She was mortified and nearly in tears, after calming her down and telling her not to worry (and offering her the staff loo which she declined) she turned to walk away and I saw that her skirt was tucked in and her full bottom showing – luckily it was bikini pants and not a thong… I should have told her but I couldn’t, she was traumatised enough!
Cheers
BC
“Furtive nether-checking” or “sly nether-checking” perhaps? 🙂
How about nether necessary?
Cheers
BC
doing the nether necessary…. hmm… sounds like a dance!
Geldoff, sly nether-checking sounds like a village in the Cotswolds, too!
Cheers
BC
Yes it does doesn’t it? It deserves to be nestled between Upper Slaughter and Lower Slaughter. Or perhaps situated near Brown Willy. 😉