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It’s official, I’m the jammiest bastard on earth! 24, October 2007

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, General Wittering, Life and living, Pregnancy Issues.
Tags: , , ,

Yep this is how I know.

We have a gas boiler which provides our heating and hot water.

This week the weather has turned cold.

Ominous fact coupling, no? Yes.

The gas boiler has never given us any trouble, it goes out occasionally but that’s all and we get it serviced once a year. That said, it’s old. At last year’s service the engineer told me that the company would probably stop supporting it, soon because of the difficulty getting part. I asked if they would still service it though. Yep. Good, if they find something going wrong at the next service that’ll give us time to order a new one. I suggest this to him and yes, he tells me, that’s a good plan.

Well, September, servicing month, came but so did the muffin and I was too busy lying around like a big slug feeling sorry – and happy – for myself. Then, of course, there’s the fact I have difficulty remembering my own name without cue cards, let alone to call the boiler company and get somebody in.

At the same time, well, in June, actually, in a galaxy far away… ok, near Brighton, my parent’s five year old boiler broke (yep, just out of warranty) but even though they eventually had to spend about the cost of a small house on a new one, they had some wonderful deal with British Gas which meant they got it serviced and fixed up for free… so they were, at least, able to limp on with hot water for the two months it took for the new one to turn up. Hoorah for them! So unusual for that kind of thing not to be a phaff.

Well, looking at the age of our boiler and remembering that our lot would service but not fix it, I thought the British Gas thing sounded like a good idea. I rang them and yes, the boiler could be any age, they’d visit it once a year to check it was running properly and yes if I paid them money each month that wouldn’t cost anything. I discussed it with Mr BC we decided it was a good idea for a year, bearing in mind our boiler’s age but I never got round to doing anything.

Last Friday we got a leaflet through our door about it, once again, I discussed it with Mr BC and once again, we decided it was a good idea. Yesterday, about 5 minutes before their call centre shut up shop for the day, I rang them and signed up. Sometime in the next month, somebody will come check our boiler. If it’s ok they’ll service it for the year and agree to look after it. If it’s knacked they may recommend we have a new one before they agree to cover us. Ok, so far so good.

Told Mr BC, who was a bit leery at first, he’d meant us to find out about getting a new boiler rather than a support agreement for the old one but after a bit of thought reckoned that no, this was the right thing to do because it gives us a year to research and source the new one, not to mention work out where it will go since it’s now illegal to fit a boiler where ours is and we will have to identify an outside wall we can put it on… oops.

So… this morning we woke up and all was most definitely NOT scorchio. In fact it was fucking cold in the house… yes, our boiler has packed up. The pilot light has gone out and no amount of cajoling or pressing the button in will induce it to stay lit. No pilot light, no boiler, no heat. Oh dear.

The company who made our boiler declined the opportunity to earn £100 of our hard earned cash to come and tell us it’s broken and we need a new one – which is almost certainly what they would have done, there being no parts available should it need them. However, typical and expected, though it was, it pissed us off because we are both pretty sure that it’s just a case of soot build up, it being a month overdue for a service.

So, because a trawl through the Yellow Pages confirmed that they do actually offer one of the best deals to come and look at knackered appliances, we rang British Gas.

Total surprise. The woman at this centre already knew that I’d signed up for their service agreement with a bloke at the other one. Yes, I know it’s all computers but it’s not often you find a company where the whole system actually joins up. Ten out of Ten.

She then went on to explain that the call out cost and the cost of the repair if a) they can get parts and b) it’s something simple like clearing the tubes of excess soot is all covered in the agreement I took out yesterday, even though they’re not going to be taking the first payment until November 11th. I check that they are sure about this.

“No, Madam. We are not shitting you.” The lady confirms.

The engineer is coming tomorrow.

We didn’t even play the pregnancy card.

I appreciate that these are the levels of service you would expect over the pond but here… in Britain? Nah, we’re morose, grumpy bastards when we’re doing things like servicing household appliances (Ok, I give you, it’s mainly because the British public tends to treat people who do things like servicing household appliances like shit, having worked in a company providing public passenger transport – another area where the public treat you like shit – I have first hand experience of just how unpleasant the man in the street can be).

Even so… we are looking at a corporate behemoth; British Gas in Britain… It’s very impressive and even Mr BC who is a jammy, jammy bleeder was impressed by the sheer sugary, fruit-based preserve-flavoured nature of my luck, today.

Ok, they haven’t arrived yet, they may be crap, do nothing and tell us we’ll have to wait 3 months for a new boiler without one that works… that’s probably when it’s time to play the pregnancy card. In the meantime, the fact they are going to be here roughly within 24 hours, is, in itself, a miracle!

In the meantime, here I am in my office, with the electric heater on and Mr BC is in his office with the back up heater from my office.

So… It’s cool, we’re warm…

We smell though since we are un-showered. Still, it could be a lot worse. I could have got into the shower and discovered, by din’t of the absence of any hot water, that our boiler had bust. Now that would have been a catastrophe. Or, since I’m feeling human this morning and had entertained thoughts of going for a “gentle” bike ride… I could have been really smelly… and sweaty. That would have been… unfortunate. I’d have to have gone to the swimming pool and pretended to swim so I could use the showers… ugh.

On a different note, secret squirrel pressure is definitely reduced.

Mr BC and I had a chat and we discovered that I’d kept it quiet because I thought he didn’t want me to Murry the Muffin it by mentioning it and he’d kept it quiet because he thought I was the one worried about him doing a Murry. So we’re not going out of our way to tell people but if they mention it in passing, we’ve agreed to tell them… if they think I’m terminally ill, for example!

Phew…. what a relief.

Why is it called Muffin… well, despite the fact I am eating for more like four I am losing weight. Even so, my waist is bigger than before and I have a giant Muffin Top (roll of fat hanging over the top of my trousers). I have also surrendered to the comfort of stretch cords… The Muffin top is new, there was a hint of one before but nothing like the whopper I have now and it’s intriguing, combined, as it is, with a loss of weight…



1. Joe Drinker - 24, October 2007

Glad to hear that things seem to be progressing nicely, hot water or not! And I love that you call it “Muffin”…that’s perfect.
Stay warm,

2. Kat - 24, October 2007

So did the call centre lady actually say “shitting”? *lol*

Hmm, any chance you might be having twins?

3. Bill Howdle - 24, October 2007

I am so glad to hear things are going to work out, I have my fingers crossed.
I noticed the comment from Kat, is there a chance of twins?
All my best to you my friend keep warm and it will all work itself out.

4. mrsmetaphor - 24, October 2007

You so totally ROCK! Can you come and live here for a little while so that perhaps it will rub off? Not the pregnancy part, mind you…lol.

5. babychaos - 25, October 2007

I have wondered if it’s twins, even though I have a print out of the 7 week scan with categorically only one bag. I keep getting a search string on here which goes something like “twins not shown on scan because one hiding behind other” it depends, of course, whether this is something someone’s wishing for or or something which has happened… It feels like blummin’ twins, anyhow!

Oh and Kat, it’s embroidered I’m afraid… the imagined response to my question; “are you shitting me?” which is much funnier than her simple “no, Madam, we are not.”



6. A Man With A Fork In A World Of Soup - 31, October 2007

Baby, I missed ya. Hope all is well. Good to read you again.
I have some information you might want to be privvy to. Email me.

7. babychaos - 31, October 2007

Man with a fork…

Do I know you? Elucidate a little… say how we met…

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