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Bad Pants and other stories… 18, November 2007

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Humour, Life and living, Light Fluff, Play, Small Scale Disasters.

Ever had something happen to you that seems like comedy gold until you write it up. Hmm… me too but never mind! Please read on…

The weekend passed off very well, despite my fears, fabulous dinner last night, big lunch today and a fine evening on Friday – the entertainment was excellent, a kind of four poofs and a piano band, called Cantabile and Ronnie Corbet. Even the food, mass catering though it may have been,was excellent.

My only complaint – and it’s very small – was that spike heals are not the most practical of garments to walk/run briskly round London in.

Ok so when I lived there I frequently used to run about in spike heels but I was a lot younger then and I didn’t have such dodgy knees or soggy pregnant lady’s cartiledge… and… um… the spikes fitted me better then. I also noticed some interesting effects – possibly contributed to by the early pregnant lady shape on my um… underwear.

A few years ago, I had, I think, the funniest text message I have ever received from a lady friend informing me that she was on a packed commuter train for which she had been compelled to run and once on, trapped amongst ranks of standing commuters she realised something was tickling her ankles and as a bloke sitting near her smirked and pointed* that worse, it was her pants which had fallen down in the pursuit.

On the way to the station, Mr BC and I were giggling about this – partly because for two smart (one black tie and one plain smart) evening dos we had both worried about whether or not anything we had would fit and I had, indeed, discovered that my choice was limited to a third pair of trousers I can get into (just) and an elasticated skirt with a velvet jacket which, though under extreme tension in the bust area – if the buttons went it would definitely be with enough force to blind somebody – did, just about do up. The other reason for the giggling was because after finding I’d put away about five pairs of hold ups with ladders in, I’d had to resort to stockings with a suspender belt which is a bit crap and tends to ping undone allowing my stockings to gently subside to ankle level.

Unfortnately I had chosen what I call a chafing combo. My bag, a back pack because I was taking some of my cards down to my parents, was rubbing against my coat which was rubbing against my jacket which was gradually coiling my skirt up about my waist. Hmm… lucky I chose a long winter coat then.

Once in London we tubed to Holborn and decided to walk to the venue. It was an interesting experience in the shoes but it was as we turned into Chancery Lane, where our final destination lay, I realised more than the shoes was awry. As well as the skirt riding up, which it was, albeit out of public view under the winter coat, my pants were riding down… worse, my super-duper, new improved exercise honed small bum, combined with the distinctly humpty-ish nature of my ever expanding muffin top was not proving a large enough obstruction to stop the suspender belt following it. By hoicking it all up while nobody was looking I finally made it to the dinner without losing my er…. modesty but only by nipping straight to the loo, removing the offending pants and passing the rest of the evening commando was I able to avoid further… unpleasantness.

The suspender belt nearly fell down again on the way home but thankfully, not in London, where we got a taxi to King’s Cross but on the way home from the station in my home town. Hmm… I will have to throw it away.

*What an unchivalrous bastard!



1. Kat - 19, November 2007

I’m reading this post and thinking, you know, in the early days of courtship, drenched in the fog of lust, this would end in something to tell the grandkids about (well, when they’re adults!). But, like you, if that happened to me now, all the offending bits of clothing would be whipped off as soon as decently possible. Good job on the heels, though!

2. Noble Savage - 19, November 2007

I stopped wearing anything with a heel by the 5th month and never looked back. Mama needs a flat, comfortable shoe!

Glad you had a good time.

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