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A funny thing happened… 2, January 2008

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, careers, General Wittering, Grumpy Old Bag, Life and living, Small Scale Disasters.
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Blimey, my posts are getting more and more like buses, nothing for weeks and then two come along at the same time. Never mind.

After reading this post, from Magneto Bold, I had to share this story with you…

Back in about 2001 when I was a high powered passenger transport executive, I remember falling down some stairs at Heathrow and ripping my skirt from hem to arse. This was bad enough, in light of the company’s man to woman ratio – ie there weren’t many of us – but just to add to the horror I was about to meet my company’s new MD for the first time so it was fairly essential I made a good impression. That meant it was time to go to the nearest loo and sew up the skirt of my brand-new don’t-sack-me-suit, pronto.

The nearest ones were at the Central Bus Station – yes, I did have to walk right across the entire central area of the airport, outside, from the car park in Terminal 1 to the Central Bus Station with my arse hanging out and all my expensive, silk power underwear on public view. Well, I suppose it could have been the grey period pants which would have been exceptionally grim.

I picked a stall right at the end where nobody would come and wee next to me, removed my skirt and got sewing. Yeh, I had a sewing kit in my bag, I have a big bag and I carry equipment to cater for every incident the accident prone person might encounter. The rip is big and it’s going to be a good 20 minute job if I want, not only to visit the new MD in his office but also, to be able to sit down without further incident should he invite me to do so.

Five minutes in and a pair of women, chatting away merrily in what sounded to be an African language – you know, warm brown voices and clicks like Xhosa, only not – came and sat in the two stalls next to me. They proceeded to shit and fart for the next 15 minutes, roaring with laughter and generally goading each other on. The miasma of foul air was so thick I nearly passed out. To say airline food didn’t agree with them would be to severely understate the case, I could taste every meal they’d eaten since they last shat, probably behind a bush just outside Nairobe.

When they had gone the smell lingered and of course, when I finally emerged, green-faced, from my cubicle in my newly sewn up skirt, three pursed lipped German women who were doing their make up in the mirrors by the wash basins turned and stared at me, in unison, as if I was fungus the bogey man – or very possibly the anti-Christ – in person. So, as well as nearly gassing me to death, those African ladies also managed to lay the rap for their unfeasibly smelly crapping session on me.

Bastard.

Footnote: My boss was a lovely chap so I told him what had happened, explaining about my urgent desire not to sit down as well as the evil gassy ladies. He laughed… no actually he guffawed he thought it was so hilarious.

Later when I met the MD he did ask if I’d like to sit down but I was with my boss and bless him, when I offered him the only chair, he cottoned on, joked about being senior and fatter and more in need of a rest than me and took it so I was able to perch on the edge of the conference table without it looking weird. The skirt held and the MD didn’t fire me so at least two good things came out of my very traumatic day.

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Comments»

1. magneto bold too - 2, January 2008

he he he. You win *snort*

2. Joe Drinker - 3, January 2008

Great story…you just have to grin and bear it when somebody else pins the stink on you.

3. babychaos - 3, January 2008

Magneto, I dunno, I reckon it’s a close run thing, Joe, I just thought of you and the phantom cubicle farter as I wrote this!

Cheers

BC

4. Zo - 3, January 2008

Haha, that’s a brilliant story! Next time i find myself in some kind of nightmare situation, i’m gonna remember this post and remind myself it happens to everyone. Awesome.

5. babychaos - 5, January 2008

Zo, welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed the story!

Cheers

BC

6. toilet - 8, March 2008

great post!


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