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Social Nasticies… 1, June 2008

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff, Pregnancy Issues.
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This is a true, dyed in the wool holy shit moment!

I have to go and be corporate wife at a polo match.

For those of you who don’t know much about polo my the obvious rejoinder is “join the club me neither”.

As I understand it – and I may be wrong but I fear greatly I am not – polo is something posh people do, you know, people like the Prince of Wales or the Sultan of Brunai. You know those kids are dropped off to boarding school in a helecopter at the beginning of term? Those kids are the kind of people who play polo.

Saint’s preserve me.

Ok, Muffin is due today but Muffin is not engaged. It’s the first of June. Round here, they normally wait about 10 to 12 days before they induce you if your little one is late. However, there are so many babies due that it’s stretching out as long as two weeks. That leaves me with three possible scenarios.

One. I have to brave the society set – you know lots of thin tanned, smooth, statuesque (did I mention thin) women in Hermes scarves, designer dresses and Jimmy Choo shoes most of whom are ex models – while still pregnant and looking like some all woman mountain. A female Giant Haystacks in the only item of clothing I am still able to get into, most likely jogging pants stretched to breaking point by that time… Not forgetting the obligatory fascinator in my hair, or smart hat, so I blend in of course… never mind, we’ve probably a pair of curtains or an old tent somewhere I can wear…

Two. The best option, I will be in labour and neither of us will be able to go.

Three. I will have had the baby. Still vast and breast feeding I will have to parade myself, baby and my doubtless, perennially seeping 36K bosom in something that approximates smart dress and society heels without depositing baby sick or breast milk anywhere awkward. I will also have to contrive to keep the baby quiet when it’ll probably only be about 3 days old.

God save us.

Or do I mean, God save them!

A top, something empire line and floaty from the fabulously cheap – and for huge ladies – Peacocks, methinks… With my smashing Vietnamese wrap – sold in designer shops across the UK for substantially more than the £2 I paid for mine!

Yes, and I’ll check with my Mum, who was a deb, thank god. Money went further in those days, she was part of that set and she’ll know what one wears to watch Polo.

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Comments»

1. noble savage - 1, June 2008

Oh dear god, do you really have to go?! That sounds absolutely dire, whether you’re overdue or have just given birth. I don’t think I left my house or was even able to keep a top on for the first two weeks. It was like something out of a National Geographic magazine.There is no way I would’ve been able to breastfeed in public with a three-day old baby and in a dress and heels in front of strangers. You are a brave, brave woman!

Happy due date, by the way. Here’s hoping the sproglet puts in an appearance soon.

2. Geldoff - 1, June 2008

Go on, BC, if you have to go then damn-well enjoy yourself! The hauteure of the hoy-polloy is a thin patina that typically hides exceptionally self-conscious and socially inept individuals and the proper way to deal with them is with naive, bright-faced honesty. It works like a treat; a good friend of mine had the misfortune to be ‘well-bred’ so I had the opportunity to attend some horrendously posh social gatherings and learned very quickly that the last thing you should do is try to compete and the second-to-last thing you should do is to be overwhelmed. That plays straight into their hands because that’s their method of gaining (false) self-esteem and feeling superior. My advice would be to inwardly giggle at their foolishness and avoid the “What school did you go to?” type questions or if you feel you can’t then tell them that you went to a very exclusive, private school in, say, New Zealand. Yes, St Margaret’s in Auckland should do it. 😉

3. Geldoff - 1, June 2008

Oh, and by the way, since it’s polo, you’ll be expected to walk around the playing field between chukkas to tamp down the horses divots with your shoes, so be sure to take a pair of boots or wellies!

4. Kat - 2, June 2008

Too bad you didn’t know sooner. You could have cultivated the appearance of nausea in the presence of horses. Maybe it’s not too late…

BTW, I’m told sex is a good way to induce labour. Just saying. 😉

5. Dru - 2, June 2008

Good gods. If that where me I’d be telling my other half [and probably all those snobs] where to stick it. Don’t go!

6. babychaos - 2, June 2008

Hello everyone! Thank you for your kind supportive messages, NS thank you, I don’t feel that brave although to be honest, I had a very nice time at a fairly society wedding I had to go to (wedding with one famous person there equals society in my book) at week 37! I wore the only outfit I can get into and most people merely congratulated me for coming so I’m probably panicking needlessly.

Geldoff I hear you, I am an expert at the thick skinned thing or at least acting as if it’s perfectly normal to go to school in a helecopter. Good news about the shoes, too, as my feet are so swollen I’m reduced to one pair of shoes as nothing else fits.

Kat, if only, and yes you’re right about the sex but bump freaks husband completely… also I was in too much pain early on, that freaks him too.

Dru, it’s tempting but he’s quite laid back about it himself, I think he sees bringing his pregnant/breastfeeding wife (so long as I am happy to go with him) as a small piece of rebellion.

Cheers

BC

7. Joe Drinker - 3, June 2008

That made me laugh…don’t worry about those people. They’re just people and if they do try to make you feel bad about yourself for being human in their presence, just remember: chances are soon enough they’ll be in the same position.


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