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More Mini Man 27, August 2011

Posted by babychaos in baby stuff, General Wittering, Humour, Light Fluff, Mini Me, Mom, Mum, Play, toddlers.
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Mini Me is now just over 3. Today we were sitting in a restaurant and they brought the pudding menu. Mr BC and I had a look at it. Mini Me grabbed one and held it up so I could see. He turned it so he could looked more closely and then held it up again , mumbling in pretence of reading it to me – he can tell which way up words are supposed to go but not actually read them.

“Thank you” I say.

“It is very boring it is just words,” he pauses for thought, “and there are no tractors.”

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More Babychaos… 8, April 2009

Posted by babychaos in baby stuff, careers, General Wittering, Humour, Light Fluff, Mini Me.
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A week ago, having finished my submission for a literary agent, honed it, toned it and generally agonised over it my Sister In-Law – who works in publishing – kindly volunteered to read it.

Seeing the enormous size of my synopsis  – it’s a complicated plot – she recommended I ring the agency I was approaching to check if they had any particular length in mind when they said “short”.

Eventually I took my courage in both hands and did.  It rang, somebody answered and before either of us could say anything Mini Me shouted.

“NANG!!!”  At the top of his voice.

There was a surprised silence.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t a prank call.  That was my son.  He’s a baby.”  I said.

Oh happy day when she laughed!  Luckily they are happy with a longer synopsis, the point is that it should be free from waffle.  If there’s lots to say, that doesn’t matter.

Phew again.

Babychaos… in church 7, April 2009

Posted by babychaos in baby stuff, General Wittering, Humour.
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Picture the scene…

Church, at the altar for communion.

I am kneeling and boy is standing at the altar rail in front of me. He gets his blessing and it’s a bit of a reach for the vicar to hand me the wafer so I decide it would be better, come wine time, to be closer in.

I move Mini Me up so he is sitting on the rail.

I notice a distinct tension in the lady administering the chalice and as it touches my lips I realise it’s jiggling.

Eyes down.  Yes.  A tiny hand his holding the bottom with a grip of iron and yanking it up and down.

Afterwards, when I apologise, she tells me cheerfully that she always keeps a strong hold of the chalice after seeing a slightly more mobile youngster grab it and run off with it!

Mini Me may be like a wasp in a bottle but at least he isn’t doing that kind of stuff yet.

He bloody does eat daffodils… 6, April 2009

Posted by babychaos in baby stuff, General Wittering, Humour, Light Fluff.
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Out for lunch today. Great fun. Friend’s baby is mega chilled, he just sits and relaxes and takes it all in while Mini BC buzzes round like a wasp in a bottle.

I go to the loo and Friend of Mini BC takes a daffodil leaf out of the vase in the middle of the table and waves it about. Friend of BC gives Mini BC a daffodil to play with.

Within seconds Mini BC eats it.

I return from loo to find her frantically fishing pieces of soggy yellow pulp from wee one’s mouth while he smiles beatifically at us both.

Ah the joys of motherhood!

Advertising how it should be… 16, July 2008

Posted by babychaos in Art, General Wittering, Humour, Light Fluff, Play.
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5 comments

Ok, crappy perfume advertisers pedalling bollocks, sellers of lard with made up names in it – yes laboratoire garnier with your nipozoniolipononyipids and other shite… All those stupid people who use advertising to make us feel shit about ourselves so we buy their crappy products out of desperation or fear… all those makers of wear these clothes, this perfume, drive this car, eat this chocolate and you’ll be shagged rigid every night for the rest of your life tossers… all those use our product or you will die dick cheeses, French – the joke was NEVER Fcuking funny – Connection et al…

THIS is how to make an advert. That is; without disrespecting or undermining anyone, without setting impossible goals of perfection, free from condescension and pretension, by being clever, original and witty.

Oh… um if you haven’t seen Thunderbirds – the original Gerry Anderson 1960s TV version, re-run in 1990 and 2000, as opposed to the film – you may not get that this is Brains, out of Thunderbirds… which will be a pity.