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Well here we are… 26, September 2012

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Mum, not while you're eating.
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Yeh there’s a bit of a gap isn’t there, but this blog gets hundreds of hits a day so I thought I’d come back and see what you’re all reading. 10 songs, it seems.

McMini is now 4 years old. He has started school. Today he stuffed pasta in his ear and I had to take him to hospital. The pasta worked its way towards the surface while we were waiting and was removed by the nurse.

As we waited to go in we had this conversation.

McMini. “I won’t want to eat the pasta when it comes out. ”

BC. “No, I can imagine.”

McMini. “Yes, it would be covered in earwax and it would taste yucky.”

Anonymous woman with daughter with PE injury next to BC chimes in. “Very sensible, we all know how horrible earwax tastes.”

We all laughed.

It was almost upbeat in there, nearly all kids, nearly all injured in PE, arms, legs etc. Nearly all of them with parents who were just thankful it wasn’t any worse. It made it much easier to contain McMini and considering we were waiting to see a doctor for a couple of hours it was almost fun. Some git had practically wrenched the wing mirror off my car but it seems to have been designed for that as I was able to put it back. Quite glad as it only has 100 miles on the clock and it would be a pity to break it before I’ve even finished running it in.

When Mr BC arrived home, I told him what had happened – not the car, the other bit. He guffawed and said, “he’s definitely YOUR son.”

Cheeky. True, but still cheeky.

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The Chaos Fairies Have Moved In 29, January 2010

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Small Scale Disasters.
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We decided to take junior out today.  It’s ‘warmer’ than it has been so we optimistically headed off to the zoological gardens.  We arrived and did very well for an hour or so until glove-spurning junior’s hands were so cold that he started to scream… it was also his lunch time so we headed for the café.  It was freezing outside but we discovered that people eating in are not allowed to bring their own lunch (fair enough) even for children (not quite so fair if the child is very small). Still, since we’d packed Mr Small’s lunch it seemed pointless to buy one, especially one designed for older children which he was unlikely to eat.

It was too cold to eat at one of the outside tables and when junior ran into a corner, started to cry and refused to come out, we gave up and headed back to the car to feed him his lunch there.  I had brought a free sample bottle of baby milk with me instead of the usual carton.  The freebie had a screw top and I thought I could put the usual two thirds into his sippy cup and then put the lid on.  Great I wouldn’t have to worry about trying to hold the milk container upright to stop it spilling all over the spouse-mobile, I thought. How wrong I was.

During the journey the screw-top proved to be leakier than a carton with one corner snipped off.  Milk dribbled out and ran down the plush leather seat of the spouse-mobile.  Since the spouse-mobile is sporty and more of a 2+2 than a 4 there was no room for my knees and so I was sitting with my legs apart.  Naturally, this resulted in the milk collecting, unnoticed in a pool at my crotch.

We got out at the shops and I found I had a large wet patch exactly where the pee would be if I’d wet myself or – should I have a requirement for such things – overestimated the absorbency of my tena-lady.  I managed to find a loo, remove my knickers (which left me feeling pleasantly draughty and a lot less soggy) and dry the worst of the milk off my naughty bits – not to mention the trousers.

After all that, the bloody shop was pretty much devoid of stock so we went home.

When we arrived home, I couldn’t find my keys in my bag.  I searched the spouse-mobile, searched everywhere I’d been in the house.  I decided I would have to ring the hotel where I’d been to the loo and get somebody to see if I’d left them there… or jump in the car and go back to the car park to see if I’d dropped them.  Luckily before I went I decided to take one last look in my bag.

Yeh, where else would they have been?  If I could have back half the time I’ve spent looking for my keys I would still be cash poor but oh so time rich.

When good food goes bad… and is almost too Cute to throw out… 4, March 2008

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, Life and living, Light Fluff, not while you're eating, Play, Small Scale Disasters.
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Yes, it’s time for another fascinating episode in the catalogue of disasters that is my risible attempt at good housewifery. I’m so shit at this home maker thing. So to warn you up front, for this one the Not while you’re eating tag is turned on. If you have any moral fibre, the smallest sense of house pride or the meagrest standards cleanliness, stop here.

Yesterday I was feeling very chipper and full of beans. This was such a surprise, perenially knackered as I am with the carrying of my lovely – but nonetheless parasitic – foetus, that I decided I would do something constructive… clean out our fridge. Not that it sucks but every now and again, stuff gets to the back… and gets forgotten… and becomes a rich source of free penicillin.

So when I came to check the contents of the cheese keeper…

I lifted the lid and found this…

Mouldy Cheese

This is what three weeks does to a fresh goat’s cheese. One of those lovely, very tasty white ones which yes, had I not forgotten about it, would have lasted less than hours in this house.

As mouldy food goes, I have to say, it was pretty cute.

Anyone remember the episode of the Muppets when Gonzo brings in a whole load of singing mushrooms for his act?

Kermit asks them where they came from and Gonzo admits that he had left some… well I think it might actually have been cheese in his fridge when he went away and when he came back it was covered in mushrooms but they were too cute to throw out… so instead, he keeps them and teaches them to sing.

Here’s a close up.

Still too cute to throw out…

See what I mean, it doesn’t take much to jump from this to say…

This…

Still too cute to throw out, with eyes…

You see? You want to take it home with you, don’t you?

I sent it to Mr BC in an e-mail… he thinks it’s cute too. We toyed with the idea of sending it to his Mum but decided she would freak out and never come to stay here again. The untidiness in this house is mostly down to me.

My mum… well, she’d probably have scraped the mould off and made it into a soufflé*… “it’s only been eating cheese, it’s alright if it’s cooked long enough to kill the germs” or some such.

*Actually, she wouldn’t but what with me being a chip off the old block it is the kind of thing she might also find in her fridge.

So there you are.

Whenever you feel your house is a tip or your standards are low just pop over here and have a look at this. You should feel better at once.

The Chaos Fairies ate my Breakfast… 28, February 2008

Posted by babychaos in General Wittering, handy hints, Life and living, Light Fluff, not while you're eating, Play, Small Scale Disasters.
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Actually, they didn’t. I did. They were well active though. BTW the not while you’re eating tag is switched on so if you are, don’t read to the end!

So, note to self, when you go to aqua natal with a large hole in the top of your thumb take a plaster, this will stop you from bleeding all over the following:

  • bra
  • pants
  • shirt
  • towel
  • brand new swimming costume
  • bag
  • lovely tubigrip SPD-countering truss thing

You will then not have to wash them all when you get home. The truss thing, especially, looks like I’ve committed an axe murder in it! Oh dear.

I had a bit of a flop sweat last night. This whole pregnancy thing has to be the biggest conspiracy ever, nobody told me about those but it appears they are normal… some people get them after, too. Please god no!

So I woke up hot and bothered in pyjamas which were actually damp. Ack. Wanted to change them but Mr BC was fast asleep and had a tough day ahead. When Mr BC wakes up, he seldom goes back to sleep again so I felt that condemning him to a night of wakefulness was too cruel. Anyway, I stuck them over the radiator in the bathroom and by the time I had finished having a pee and doing my pressure points , they’d dried.

Yeh, I do the SPD pressure points in my feet by putting my foot on a small round stone positioned on the go point for two minutes a pop but it takes me 5 minutes to find the go point and I usually only remember to do it in the middle of the night. It’s not often I’m glad of something like this.

This morning, clearly, it was change the sheets time. After swimming…

I put the bottom sheet on and went into the bathroom to remove my blood-spattered bra and put a clean one on. Luckily I noticed the blood all over my tit before I bled all over the clean white bra I was about to put on.

Back into the bedroom where I decided red polka-dots were not on and took recently applied, clean bottom sheet straight off again. Clean sheet number two fitted along with a plaster over my no longer painful but copiously bleeding thumb! Never mind, at least I managed to spot it before I damaged the other bra AND I successfully rummaged in the drawer for clean pyjamas without bleeding all over everything in there… Now I call that a result.

On the downside I have applied copious anti-stretch mark product all over my bump, legs and bum… where do I have them? Underneath my tits. That’s a big YUCK going out to all my pregnant friends, may you never suffer with stretch marks underneath your tits. Eugh.

I repulse me.

Ah the joys of being pregnant… and a bit of a spanner.

It could be even worse. I could be able to see them. At least underneath they will be invisible unless I sunbathe topless and how likely is that (not any more).

I used it as an excuse to myself some illicit toys from Woolies to make up for it… they were two for the price of one so it was churlish not to… and last week I bought some way cool shoes! I could throw those in, too. Mmm…

Perhaps I should replace them with a pair of these… then again, what if I had a night sweat, the bed would be full of melted brown goo… and it’d be the middle of the night so I’d be far too disorientated to realise what it was…

I should stop now…

Enjoy.

Tasteful chocolates for valentine’s day

Actual Accidents… 21, February 2008

Posted by babychaos in Adult Content, General Wittering, Life and living, not while you're eating, Pregnancy Issues, Small Scale Disasters.
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Well no… not those accidents but when you combine a naturally clumsy pregnant woman with a mandolin – the type of mandolin that slices and dices, I mean rather than the type of mandolin with which you serenade a lady – the inevitable results occur.

Even with the special handy-protecty thing in place I have only narrowly managed to avoid adding a small slice of thumb to tonight’s dinner.  My thumb.  Mmm Mmm!

On the down side… I won’t enjoy my pending hot bath – which I’ve been looking forward to all day.

On the up side… I managed to stop it bleeding too copiously anywhere except all down the door of the bathroom cabinet while looking for plasters.*

* Note to self, put first aid kit at front of bathroom cabinet rather than at back behind 3 British Airways wash bags and approximately two thousand bottles of hotel toiletries stolen by your husband, while on business trips, from the Hotel De Vin.

Biggest up side of all, the piece of thumb didn’t fully detach so one, I was able to flap it back and hold id town, thus preventing the copious bleeding which took place when I let go two, no digging about in the shepherd’s pie for it and three, since I’d never have found it in a million years, the delightful truth that neither myself nor Mr BC need fear eating it.

Had a great time at aqua natal, too. The instructor was busy delivering a baby so I spent an hour treading water and talking to two girls I met in the changing room. It was top. I hope I get to meet them again. I gave one my card and suggested we meet for coffee! Then a lovely restful reflexology session.

Then I undid the lot by cutting that bit of my thumb off. Plaster and savlon applied… at least it’s stopped smarting now.